


Careless (Trapped)

by unmended



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blood and Injury, Bottom Estinien Wyrmblood, Canon-Typical Violence, Estinien is bad at feelings, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers, First Aid, Insomnia, Lack of Communication, Light Dom/sub, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Outdoor Sex, Overstimulation, POV Third Person, Post-Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers, Pre-Relationship, Resolved Sexual Tension, Rough Kissing, Roughness, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Voice Kink, but bad, but my kink is Estinien secretly actually giving a shit, but not to do with sexy time, like one sentence talking bout Aymeric at the beginning, lots of Estinien inner thoughts here, no beta we just die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:14:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26186245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unmended/pseuds/unmended
Summary: The kiss is completely inelegant, and Gaius stiffens in surprise, still kneeling on the ground between Estinien's legs. Estinien nips at Gaius' lower lip in a completely uncharacteristic manner.He has completely lost his mind and knows it. Now they both do.After the initial surprise, Gaius does slowly, carefully, attempt to return the kiss. It is an awkward thing, but there is an undeniable heat building in the air."Shut up, shut up, shut up godsdamn you -" Estinien murmurs against the other man’s lips, trying to quash the feeling building up inside him. Frustration and embarrassment and arousal that he can feel hot in his spine, thrumming in his chest.
Relationships: Gaius van Baelsar/Estinien Wyrmblood
Comments: 24
Kudos: 109





	1. The Catch

* * *

Van Baelsar’s offer was an intriguing one, certainly, Estinien thought.

When was the last time he had cooperated with anyone, hunting a common foe or otherwise… Iceheart?

The choice to follow was easier after that, even if the idea of traveling with other people for weeks at a time set his stomach to churning. Especially with that woman, Severa, around. Hardly a word has been exchanged since he joined along, and he’s tried to at least keep up but as far as first impressions go Estinien is not sure there’s a way to come back from ‘Would have killed you without a second thought’.

Extricating himself from the Scion watchdog’s tendrils proved easy enough, even if it was only a temporary reprieve -and he was still working as requested, so the small troupe set out into the Twelveswood on a simple enough few days’ journey.

* * *

The news about Black Rose was disturbing, to say the least, and Estinien made note to send word to the Scions as bade so at the very least he’d have some further time and space to work freely without those tiny women tracking him down.

Estinien tries not to admit to himself how much the thought of that scares him.

* * *

The first few days of travel were humid, and the nights were cool, but Estinien found himself completely unable to rest. Watch or no (inconsistent and argued over in hushed tones) the elf was awake regardless each night, musing over things he could not possibly affect.

This evening it was Ishgard burning…or was the city fine and all her citizens dead instead, aether stopped cold in their bodies?

Estinien shudders and curls around his lance, kicking at the remaining embers in the fire pit as the sky slowly lit up in dreamy tones. Drawing a hand down his face, his thinks about his intervention when the Warrior of Light fell in the Ghimlyt. Is that another situation he would be soon responsible for if they do not return?

Estinien supposes that is why he is here - they would be here in his place if they could be.

He draws himself upright and shakes out a night’s worth of stiff joints, running a hand back through his hair. Hearing movement from one of the tents, he busies himself collecting rations and fixing for a meal.

Severa rises first, stifling a yawn behind a calloused hand. She glares at the other dragoon when she spots him. Estinien returns the glare neutrally, collects _Gae Bolg_ and something to eat, then wordlessly trudges off into the Shroud to find something to vent his frustrations on. Something big enough to threaten. Tired as he is, something in his blood thrills all the same.

* * *

He trails a pack of boars. Five, maybe six.

Estinien picks them off one at a time, chasing them, corralling them. Turning them around and back again and he picks off another with a strong overhead dive. Heart beating faster, he watches the few remaining from astride a tree branch, they bristle and growl trying to intimidate. To find him again. He can hear his own pulse in his ears.

Flipping around to the backside of another, it is downed in a flash.

Another is downed as it charges.

The last one is clipped overhead by Estinien’s lance as he sails overtop in a rush, pushing off from a tree trunk. He hops back from the corpse, grinning despite the completely unnecessary display of skill. Not exactly worthy opponents, surely, but suitable for his purposes.

With the last of the wild boars handled, it would be easy to excuse Estinien’s misstep for simple exhaustion - but he knows better.

And as the vice trap clamps down around his leg and a foreign sounding shout wrenches itself free from his throat, then and only then does he see the drag marks where the dirt had been tossed around to bury the lever and chain.

_Careless._

His greave prevents the trap from cleaving straight to bone but flexing and testing the trap only proves to further scrape and gouge. He is almost prone, having stumbled in the mere shock of it all, weight tense and tightly held up on a hand and a knee - he can hear the faint rush of something in the bushes drawing near. Towards the scent of the blood no doubt. The hand gripping _Gae Bolg_ tightens.

Blood pools messily below on to the trap's mechanisms, disguising where the release would be buried. He slowly rocks back onto his free knee, winding his hand down his leg to inspect the blasted thing. Shaking fingers fumble uselessly against the slippery metal, the trap sinking into the now-mud with each twitch of his leg, the pain stealing his breath.

Drawing himself up after a few moments, as straight as he can, he pulls back and forces the butt of his lance down aggressively between the teeth of the vice, jostling his leg and causing him to cry out again. Once he has maneuvered it within the sprung trap just enough, he has the leverage to begin to pry the damned thing open.

He can hear a dull thumping along with the rustling now but the pounding in his ears is making it hard to focus. This seems like far too much blood - his?

Shouting again, bearing his weight down on the lance, he tenses and begins to force the jaws trapping his leg open. The teeth dig further in on the tender meat on the side of his calf as he pushes against it for leverage. He is cursing string after string to any god that could possibly hear, choking on his own spit until he runs out of words entirely and just yells single-mindedly…right up until his other knee sinks back onto solid ground. The trap clicks open just audibly enough that he drops himself bodily to the forest floor, gasping - _Gae Bolg_ within reach but shaken out of his hand in the landing.

On two hands and a knee he extricates himself and reaches again for the lance in an attempt to prop it and himself up for a defensive. There is a smear of blood where he’s dragged his leg off the metal and into the grass. He chuckles breathily as he eyes the scene. The thumping draws nearer. His blood sings in his veins even as it leaks steadily from his leg.

“Well come on then…” Estinien murmurs. “Let’s have it.”

The former Azure Dragoon of Ishgard, laid low by first a hunting trap, then some foul forest creature.

He hears the treant before he sees it. Creaking boughs and hollow eyes. Bark diseased and peeling.

Estinien laughs.

* * *

When Gaius wakes in the morning, Estinien is usually gone, or about to meander off for some sort of walk or solo sparring course, mumbling an excuse about feeling stifled or uncomfortable. Usually in a brusque one- or two-word sentence.

Gaius supposes he could understand lance drills being a comfort, the solid feel of a weapon in one’s hands is a weight that can bring a measure of peace. But his new elf traveling companion hasn’t let the lance out of his hand in days and hasn’t stepped foot in a tent at all by his count. However, the elf gets touchy when you ask too many questions - _especially_ in the morning.

The irritability is getting worse of course, Gaius muses, and so are the sunken pits below Estinien’s eyes.

This morning, when Gaius hears the first cry ring out in the woods it sounds strange…not only because it sounds familiar but because it sounds so completely wrong. It grates on his bones, like nails on a chalkboard. They should be alone out here.

Severa looks up from her notebook only briefly before returning to reading. Valdeaulin is dozing, for once, and hears nothing.

Gaius stands under the guise of stretching. This morning seems no different from any other, but a sense of wrongness persists. Gaius strains his ears to try and confirm a mounting suspicion that rises up in him like bile.

The second cry - similar, same voice. Gaius turns his head in the likely direction. And nods to Severa at her questioning look and gestures off towards the sound. Collecting _Heirsbane_ , he swiftly moves into the thicket, and the commotion.

Another sound, this time a shout followed by a remarkably familiar sounding string of curses has the man jogging in the direction of the noise. The curses crescendo into an agonizing yell that tugs at something within Gaius’ chest that he is not quite willing to dwell on and he takes off sprinting.

* * *

The treant moves its way toward the elf, who has forced himself unsteadily upright to lean against a nearby trunk. Lance in his grasp and wounded leg tensed straight, he breathes in through clenched teeth, snarling like a cornered animal deciding what course to take.

 _Maim_ and _fight fight fight_ twin clawing voices at the back of his mind, and he tenses and leaps with his uninjured leg, soaring over and driving right back down, lance point first.

Damaging the treant severely and jumping away, spine curving to land on his feet, the dragoon miscalculates and falters with his good foot, stepping back hard on the injury and crumpling to the ground.

The treant, splintered near in twain, whirls on him and nearly clips him with a wild swing. Estinien shoves the lance with all the remaining strength he has in his arms right into the creatures rotted and hollow mouth, bracing the lance firmly into the ground below and dragging himself away.

It shrieks from somewhere within its wooden body and thrashes against the lance, winding its knotted fingers around the weapon shaft, attempting to dislodge it from either its mouth or the ground.

Estinien thinks of a certain pair of blue eyes he left back in Ishgard. He closes his.

“I reckon I won’t be keeping my promises then, ‘Meric.” he murmurs to no one in particular and he hears wood dislodging itself from metal, finally.

The dragoon’s eyes snap open at the sudden sound of a pair of heavy footfalls barreling full tilt into the creature. _Heirsbane_ cuts a line, then a second through greedy appendages reaching for the dragoon.

Startled from his blood-loss fueled reverie, Estinien barely has time to move himself bodily out of the way as pieces of previously animated wooden monstrosity fall towards him.

He rolls himself to the side as best he can with a choked cry, rolling over his leg, eyes watering.

Once the thing is dead, Gaius sheathes his gunblade and whips around to the silver haired elf. Estinien a mess on the ground, looking up at the other man through one half lidded eye, breathing hard, hair stuck to the sides of his clammy face.

“ _What_?” Estinien practically snarls out as he pushes his upper body off the ground on shaking arms.

Gaius’ eyebrows raise wordlessly, just taking in the situation at hand, and he reconsiders voicing anything and does not speak - choosing instead to survey the damage. A brief glance at the elf's torn leg, at least six boar corpses strewn about, one treant riddled with disease and fungus… then his eyes find the missing piece: one very bloody hunting trap.

Gaius crouches low to inspect the thing only briefly when he hears a thud and a groan from behind him.

Estinien, in his attempt to rise had fallen directly on his back instead, unmarred leg now shaking from exertion.

The elf, having now winded himself in the ensuing return to the ground, wheezes.

Gaius reaches down a hand to his companion wordlessly. Estinien bats it away feebly, but the hand remains outstretched.

“Should I leave you here then, Ser Estinien.” Gaius says, evenly. “I’m sure the Wood Wailers will be along these parts in about two weeks’ time, perhaps a hunting sortie...?”

Estinien tries to glare a hole through the gloved hand offered to him, but eventually reaches out to grasp it.

It takes the two of them some time to negotiate Estinien to a standing position, but they do succeed with miraculously minimal embarrassment. If Gaius noticed the other man hanging onto him for dear life, he certainly was not going to comment on it - not when this is the most cooperative the dragoon has been since their meeting.

Once standing, with Gaius gripping one of Estinien’s arm firmly, the elf attempts to take another step and all but splits his own lip to stop from howling. His knee buckles immediately but a firm hand is already draping the elf’s arm over a shoulder.

“Just until we reach the others-“ Gaius says, by way of silencing any budding protests. Estinien’s neck flushes hotly as he swallows and acquiesces. The dragoon’s lance is collected and Gaius straps it to his own back without complaint.

Estinien's fingers dig into the hand that is pressed against his waist, keeping him upright.

* * *

When Estinien starts to sag part way through the walk back, Gaius wordlessly bends to grab him at the knees with his other arm. Too exhausted to protest, Estinien drapes his other arm around Gaius’ neck to join the one already splayed across the shoulders as he is gently lifted off the ground. Estinien chuffs out a breath as the weight shifts off his injured leg.

Careful not to jostle him overmuch, the Shadowhunter makes haste with his charge back towards their temporary camp. Gaius chances a look down at the man in his arms and tries not to dwell on the way his own chest clenches every time the elf’s teeth bite down when he lands a particularly hard step. Estinien's eyes have already pressed shut but he can still feel Gaius’ gaze.

“Don’t you say a fucking _word_ , Wolf.” Estinien forces out through gritted teeth. “Aye - I was being careless, and while I thank you for your timely intervention, I would also thank you to keep your mouth shut.” He wheezes, willing the flush not to spread from his neck to his face and ears.

“I wouldn’t dare presume to be so familiar...” Gaius says coolly, tearing his gaze away and adjusting the man in his arms slightly - with almost perfect timing - to allow them to pass through a particularly thick bramble unmolested. Estinien groans at the movement. “I can take a better look at it when we return and you're settled-“ Gaius starts.

“No.” Estinien breathes. ‘No- no however it looks I’m sure I can handle it.’

Gaius eyes him suspiciously but does not say anything further.

When he spots the edge of their temporary camp, he looks down at his companion. ‘Do you think you can stand?’

Estinien considers this for a moment. “No - but I’ll take my chances at looking the fool under my own strength than arriving like this, I think.” He replies. The corner of Gaius’ mouth tugs up despite his best efforts but he smoothly turns away as he bends to assist Estinien to the ground.

Making a somewhat strangled noise, the silver haired elf maneuvers his way back into the small clearing to immediately collapse at the edge near their supplies with a huff, Gaius following a few feet behind and depositing _Gae Bolg_ nearby.

Severa, watching Estinien’s attempt at walking with a mixture of curiosity and something close to satisfaction opens her mouth to speak but catches a curt shake of Gaius’ head and cuts herself off.

Valdeaulin, on the other hand, gives not a single shite for tact.

“So, what decided to bite the Azure Dragoon this day? That’s tantamount to suicide by my estimation”. He says, bending over onto steepled fingers, his own voice still groggy with sleep.

“Former - and _piss off_.” Is the only response received from the crumpled pile of limbs.

“So not a tale-worthy conquest then-“ Valdeaulin continues.

“By The Fury I **will** end you-“ Estinien practically spits out with enough venom to poison a small well, half lurching up with one arm propping him up. Valdeaulin looks pleased with himself and grins at the dragoon.

“That’s enough.” Gaius interjects. In the broiling argument he had retrieved some fresh bandages and was now depositing them unceremoniously into the dragoon’s lap.

“Needless to say, we’ll be taking the half-day here as well. Ser Estinien has done us the courtesy of clearing the surrounding area already.” And with that, Gaius turns and busies himself with fashioning a small pit fire.

Valdeaulin shrugs dramatically and goes for the tent bags. Severa takes the opportunity to eye the dragoon once more and settles in more comfortably to her seat, loosening her boots.

* * *

After a doze he does not remember slipping into, Estinien rouses with a start, forgetting himself and his situation. Splayed out on the ground against their rucksacks, he bushes his left leg against the ground in his rush to bolt forward and his vision near goes white with pain.

After willing his breathing to return to a normal steady rhythm, he opens his eyes to find Gaius tending to a fire, and their traveling companions nowhere to be seen. He lets out a shaking breath.

How long was he asleep? The sun has set and Estinien blinks a few times, willing his eyes to adjust to the low light.

Torn between wanting to be near to the fire and wanting to tend to the wound in privacy, he settles for expedience - removing his leg armor to inspect it in what remains of the light. The armor will need repairing, scratched piece of shite, but it did save the bone. Pants bloodied and torn, he peels the fabric and a fresh wave of nausea crashes into him as he tugs away the partially formed scab, indelicately.

“Shite, bastard-shite- _godsforsakenforest_...” Estinien huffs into his shoulder as he eyes the wound.

“Did you need anything, friend?” Gaius says carefully without looking up from his place by the fire. Estinien glares at him but says nothing and looks again down at his leg.

With the wound settling down into an ooze, he takes one of the fresh bandages and dabs at it, hissing, deciding to apply some pressure when that does not stop the oozing to his satisfaction.

He bends his leg at the knee to bring it close enough to rest his forehead against as he lets out a further litany of curses, snarling into his pant leg. He stays like that for a few minutes, pushing into the flesh of his calf with both hands over top of the bandage. Quickly changing the soiled one for clean, he begins wrapping cloth around to keep them in place before readjusting his pant leg with a sigh.

He looks up to find Gaius staring.

“ ** _What?_** _"_ Estinien says for the second time that day and again the other man has no idea how to respond. Gaius shakes his head.

“You might be more comfortable with that leg elevated and warm”. He says, finally. Estinien scoffs.

He makes no move for minutes, but eventually Gaius can hear the rustling of a half crawl as the elf ungracefully makes his way to the fireside and seated, testing his leg under safer circumstances. Bandaged as it is now it could pass for fine, almost, but morning might be a different story.

“Here-“ Gaius interrupts his musing and hands him a lukewarm bowl of something.

“My thanks...” Estinien murmurs, his body suddenly reminding him how famished he is. He takes the light soup - rabbit, most like - and demolishes it in a matter of minutes. Gaius hands him another half bowl and a bread roll once finished and the elf barely takes a moment to nod his thanks before he’s stuffing that portion in his mouth as well.

Gaius returns his attention to the fire and smiles despite himself.

* * *

Estinien, having finished his meal clutches both bowls in his hands, clears his throat.

"It seems I slept overlong and failed to assist with camp." He says. Gaius waves a hand dismissively, but the dragoon continues. “Let me take watch for tonight at least - I’ve slept, and while I won’t be jumping to my feet anytime soon, I can certainly do what’s required and-“ he gestures vaguely. “Watch.”

“You look terrible.” The Shadowhunter says flatly. “I’d be remiss if I didn’t recommend a full night’s rest lest you slow us down further. Besides-" Gaius says, eyeing Estinien "we are far enough out that there is hardly a need, and you cleared out a fair acreage or two for us."

“Godsdamit you infuriating man.” Estinien mumbles out. “I-“ he pauses to choose his next words carefully; “would rather not sleep, and this is something I can do. For the group.”

“Relax, rest. Whatever the case.” Gaius returns, and puts an end to further counter with a steely glare. “I care not what that looks like for you. But perhaps you might not lose your next fight with a boar trap were you to get some actual sleep.”

Estinien’s blood boils at the reprimand, hates the way he finds no disrespect to rail against in that gaze - golden eyes holding his own even as he feels the drive to force a fight seep right out of him.

This man, a stranger and former enemy, has shown more calm consideration in the past day than he has seen from most. Ever. And if that thought alone does not set his teeth on edge - disturbing something lodged in his chest. Rallying his flight instincts…

“…as you say, then.” Estinien sighs and rests his eyes, even as the dragon’s fury within demands he flee. Or fight. But he can do neither. So, he simmers quietly, trying to calm himself.

Gaius prods at the fire with a similar, carefully concealed frustration.  
  


* * *

The mornings are always interesting, Estinien finds. Severa needs her coffee, and will not start without it, but Valdeaulin cannot stand the stuff.

The mage cooks, and she brews terrible coffee. How in the Twelve’s name can these people truly call this coffee? Estinien muses to himself, thankful for the caffeine fix all the same. He glances over their merry band this gloomy morning.

The little shit Valdeaulin looks like he is trying to kill Gaius simply by willing it with his mind - a common practice when he thinks no one is looking, and this morning is no different.

Severa, alternatively, looks rather pleased that the Dragoon has been laid low for once. Which makes sense, given that Estinien is the one who nearly broke her arm and slit her throat at the Castrum where they met the first time.

Estinien quickly averts his gaze from the ex Wood Wailer just before he catches notice and returns it his half full mug of coffee, wondering if one of these days Severa will just cut to the chase and poison him. It would not be hard; he’d never taste it over the grounds. He takes another swig.

He eyes Gaius over his mug warily, a small pit sinking low and taking up residence in his gut. He almost doesn’t hear him when he speaks.

“…ws the leg, this morning?” Gaius says, motioning to it.

“S’fine” Estinien gripes into his coffee. “It doesn't become you to fuss overmuch, and I am in need of no care from you and yours.” He continues, regretting it almost instantly.

Something unreadable flashes across Gaius’ face but for a moment and is quickly replaced with a half-smile that does not reach his eyes.

“Aye, I can see that.” The Garlean finishes his own mug with a grimace and begins tidying up the morning before they break camp to keep moving.

The pit in Estinien’s stomach hollows into a chasm as he watches the man’s back, torn red jacket fluttering only slightly as he moves.

* * *

Even bandaged as it is, the pain in his leg worsens to a consistent throb that radiates up his knee and thigh by the time they hit mid afternoon.

Estinien spends most of his focus attempting to step evenly on flat ground as they make their way along the unused path. They are about halfway through to Gyr Abania (Baelsar's Wall as comedy would have it) as far as he can measure. But he is used to solo travel and would normally be at a much quicker pace if it were not for that thrice-damned hunting trap.

Assuming they still plan to rendezvous with Gaius’ ship, hidden wherever he left it, all Estinien must do is keep it together for another two or three days.

His leg throbs deeply in protest.

They can only go so fast as a group on foot, regardless, but still. With a staff, two lances and a gunblade between them the clank of their gear is still quite audible, awkward without the banter one would normally have from a group of this size.

After a particularly rough turn on a root, Estinien lets out a hiss and stumbles forward, hopping onto his right leg and letting out a string of profanity. Gaius turns back down the path and eyes the silver haired elf, who has fallen considerably behind. He disrupts the deafening silence the group normally travels in and practically startles Estinien.

“Let’s break for a time here - spread and keep watch at the corners if you would.” Gaius says, turning to Valdeaulin and Severa.

Estinien curses under his breath and opens his mouth to argue, but as he looks up from the ground Severa has rolled her eyes and turned to move off already, and Valdeaulin - eyes narrowed as usual - has split from the path some distance away with speed, leaving the two other men in the sparsely wooded area alone.

Estinien winces as he shifts his position, hand groping out to rest against a nearby tree trunk, drops his pack and glares at Gaius like the whole situation is his fault.

Blue eyes boring unfocused at the man's collar - It **_is_** his fault. Estinien would even rank the boar trap as his fault, somehow. He grumbles inaudibly to himself and his damned leg and lightly jabs a fist against the tree to push away.

Gaius clears his throat and drops his own pack. Estinien’s eyes glance up to meet golden ones.

“Let me look at the wound.” Gaius says.

“-Like hell you will.” Estinien all but growls, furrowing his brow.

Gaius exhales audibly and clenches a fist at his side, open and closed.

Estinien turns and makes to walk away as pain shoots through his leg when he attempts to put pressure on it and it takes all that he has to bite back the yell that rises up in his throat. He gropes out blindly with an arm again, embarrassed to find he has made contact with a firm, gauntleted arm.

“...swiving _hells_.” Estinien breathes, sucking a breath in through his teeth. “...Fury take you.” He grinds his teeth down as he hobbles back around.

After a moment he allows himself to be led by arm and elbow, leaning heavily on Gaius for support. He maneuvers to sit on a particularly knotted up tree root so he can straighten his wounded left leg. His greave, scratched and straps worn, is removed by deft but careful hands and Gaius kneels on the ground in between the elf’s slender legs, shoving Estinien's right knee to the side and discarding the armor piece to the ground.

Estinien’s mouth dries up suddenly, and he tries to wet his lips as he watches Gaius work.

Gaius hums lowly as he tugs up the pants leg and begins peeling away the loose and bloodied bandages. Estinien looks away as the tug of a poorly scabbed wound causes the throb to radiate up his side once again.

“Why bind wounds like this.” Gaius says, pinning the dragoon with a sidelong glance as he discards the soiled linen bandages.

“I-“ Estinien turns away from the intense gaze, unable to hold it. “I didn’t think it required anything special to lay a scrap of fabric on a cut.”

“…Certainly not, but someone with any knowledge would have definitely taken more care than this.” Gaius murmurs. "And this is no mere cut..." Gaius rotates the leg in his hands. Estinien grips his remaining greave and shuts his eyes as he all but full body shudders and grits his teeth together with a clearly audible clack.

“Mine apologies friend-“ Gaius starts.

“For the last time, I’m not delicate, I don't need your care - just rub some dirt in it and re-wrap it so we can keep moving and get out of this damned forest.” Estinien snaps, but there is no real bite. He looks down at Gaius to find him staring, evaluating. The older man's eyes narrow almost imperceptibly.

Gaius removes his hands from Estinien's leg, and the elf lets out a breath he did not realize he had been holding in.

Gaius straightens briefly, fishing around in a deep pocket for a flat glass bottle, a waterskin, and some sets of rolled cloth.

  
"You didn't clean it when you wrapped it the first time, insisting on doing it yourself as you did, and you wrapped it poorly. This will hurt." He says as he uncorks the waterskin, glancing up at Estinien, who is now staring back at the other man with a flustered look, continuing to grind his teeth together. The elf nods once.

"First, water - " Gaius mutters as he turns the leg to the side roughly. Estinien growls and grabs at the first thing he can find purchase on - a fistful of shoddy red coat in his right hand, his other hand tensing on the root he's seated on.

Gaius does not wait for further assent this time and upends the entire contents of the skein on the elf's leg, making sure to rinse out both sides, attending to where the trap had gouged deepest. It does sting, but a huff of breath or two and it passes.

Estinien blinks and Gaius is already pouring the contents of the other bottle on the leg, and at first, it is a cool sensation and then immediately, and all at once, it begins to **_burn_** _._

Estinien's hands tighten into fists, his right-hand coiling into the jacket so tightly it is a wonder it doesn't tear. "By the _Fury_ what **_IS_** that." Estinien chokes out, gasping. The liquid on the wound makes him feel like something is knifing around inside it - he would prefer to have the skin flayed off if it would make the burning stop.

"Just breathe, it will pass in a moment..." Gaius says absently, though he does stiffen and brace himself as the elf twists the collar of his jacket further and pulls.

Estinien forces a breath out hard through his teeth and curls over himself, bringing his forehead to his right arm, resting almost on top of Gaius' chest. Taking quicker heaving breaths, one after another, fighting the urge to shout - he settles on talking:

" _Oooooooooooohvan Baelsar_ , this was a mistake, a fucking mistake." Estinien chokes out, all at once, which earns him a light chuckle as Gaius unfurls the cloths he had prepared, affixing new bandages to the leg to be wrapped. He begins to carefully fold them around, and around, tight enough for the bandages to stay firmly in place this time, Gaius’ breath ghosts over Estinien's face as the dragoon’s eyes clench shut.

It is several moments in silence before Estinien realizes Gaius has stilled and his own forehead is lodged firmly against his arm (and against the broad Garlean), fist still firmly clenched in a clump of coat. The elf slowly leans back and unfurls it carefully, attempting to flatten out the extremely abused collar.

Estinien's jaw clenches uselessly, and for the thirtieth time this week he struggles to find the words to say anything at all, the sting in his left leg down to a light tingle. The pressure from the bandage now a balm instead of a constant chafing drag.

Gaius inspects his work:  
"We'll need to have this properly looked at by a chirurgeon sometime soon, but this should stave off most of the pain at least of now, and hopefully infection."

"I- thank you." Estinien grates out like it pains him, pointedly not looking at the other man. Finding an uncomfortable lack of other places to look, he focuses on the rumpled jacket collar, and then down to his leg as his breathing calms.

Suddenly deadly serious, Gaius grabs the flesh of the elf's ankle firmly, "When I said we should cooperate, I meant it." He says, squeezing tighter. "You accepted. So _why_ \- I know you are a capable man, Estinien, so stop being an unreasonable prat and work with me." Gaius hisses, leaning forward.

Something shorts in Estinien's brain, sending a thrill up his spine. He cannot look at him, will not.

The other man takes a quick breath and continues:

"Look at me godsdammit." Gaius whispers. "This is a fucking simple walk through a forest - it shouldn't be the end of th-"

Estinien does look him right in the eye, then, and silences the man kneeling below him completely by dragging him forward with both hands on the collar of his stupid, shoddy coat and crushing their mouths together.

It is completely inelegant, and Gaius stiffens in surprise, still kneeling on the ground between Estinien's legs. Estinien nips at Gaius' lower lip in a completely uncharacteristic manner.

He has completely lost his mind and knows it. Now they both do.

After the initial surprise, Gaius does slowly, carefully, attempt to return the kiss. It is an awkward thing, but there is an undeniable heat building in the air.

"Shut up, shut up, shut _up godsdamn you_ -" Estinien murmurs against the other man’s lips, trying to quash the feeling building up inside him. Frustration and embarrassment and _arousal_ that he can feel hot in his spine, thrumming in his chest.

Gaius, at this point having abandoned the ankle in favor of gripping the lithe elf's hips to keep himself from being pulled completely forward and over, bites down harder on his companion’s bottom lip. Estinien stifles a breathy moan that threatens to make itself heard and breaks the kiss then, shoving Gaius roughly away.

They stare at each other, unmoving - breathing hard, for a few moments until the silence is broken by a twig snapping nearby. Estinien's eyes dart away first, drawn in the direction of the noise, while Gaius roughly gets to his feet with a huff and moves quickly away, patting off the dirt caked to his greaves.

Estinien does not catch Gaius softly touching a bandaged hand to his almost-swollen lips.  
The elf wipes his mouth roughly with the back of his hand as he gropes around for his own missing greave. He clasps it back into place, wincing only slightly and cursing the idiot man in front of him for being right - the leg feels better already, and he was being a fool.

Is being a fool.

Is currently, this minute, constantly. a fool. He lets out a shaky breath and tries not to look up.  


Using the tree pressed near his back, he slowly lifts himself to his feet and tests the newly bandaged leg as Severa meanders back into the clearing.

"Can we get a move on?" She says, eyeing the two of them suspiciously.

Gaius nods once, half glancing back to Estinien but saying nothing, walking quickly ahead as Valdeaulin comes into view as well. The Hyur woman gives him a strange look and falls into step behind Gaius.

Estinien is relieved when he is able to walk by his own strength. The dull throb is still there, but he would rather toss himself to the nearest treant again than submit himself to the mortifying ordeal of proximity to Gaius Baelsar and whatever it is threatening to rip him clean through.

He briefly wishes the man had left him to the mercy of the woods after all.

* * *

As they round out the third day, Valdeaulin and Severa make to break off with the larger share of supplies and go on ahead. The plan to split and meet later was made well in advance but with this new tension prickling under his skin, Estinien has half a mind to offer to change places with the ex Wood Wailer. Glancing down to his steady but slight limp halts the thought outright.

The trio exchange words out of earshot in the fading light and the dragoon can feel eyes on him as he drops his gear and his lance and stretches out overworked muscles. Ever closer to the Wall.

He loops his hair into a loose ponytail, sweat damp and clinging to him as it is. Feeling eyes on him again he turns to catch Gaius staring, forgetting himself, the two now alone. Soft footsteps fading in the distance.

Estinien flushes to the tips of his ears and throws the tent bag in between the two of them and it lands with a thud. Gaius starts to move and Estinien’s takes a quick breath in and he freezes like a deer caught in a trap.

As if sensing this, Gaius raises his hands in a placating gesture, moving solely towards the pack and begins fussing with the tent poles and fabric. Estinien visibly relaxes when it is clear the Garlean has busied himself and looks around awkwardly.

Breaking the silence, Gaius speaks.

“It would be best if we rested with no fire tonight.” He says. ‘We’re likely too close to a passing patrol’.

Whatever spell that had transfixed him finally broken, Estinien hums his acknowledgment and rummages around in his bag for a prepared ration, dwells briefly, then grabs a second ration and his water skin.

He is startled when Gaius utters a string of profanity and kicks at the bag, drawing up to his full height with a sigh.

“What is it?” The dragoon asks.

Gaius laughs by way of response and pinches the bridge of his nose. Estinien walks over to the open bag and looks down.

“Half the bloody tent is missing.” Estinien supplies unhelpfully.

“Indeed.” Gaius returns, and pulls out the supplied rope and gets to work stringing up something that might function as a base for the canvas cover.

Estinien stows the rations temporarily and moves to help, and the two make quick work of a shit situation.

* * *

With the canvas pulled taut over the rope, there is at least cover from wind and any passing rain. Cordoned off and against a dry old ruined tree, it is better than some of the places Estinien has slept, at any rate.

Estinien, strength flagging at last, plops unceremoniously on to a nearby rock and rips into a ration, extending the second to Gaius. The other man considers it for a moment, the gesture having caught him off guard, but he takes it and makes to sit somewhere further off.

Estinien curses to himself and clears his throat.

“I- uh. You-“

Gaius turns to face the dragoon, raising a questioning eyebrow.

The bite he took now caught completely in his throat, Estinien takes a large gulp of water and kicks towards the spot in front of him with his good leg.

Confusion giving way to understanding, the corner or Gaius’ mouth twitches up at the edge and he returns, dragging a hollow log in place, reclining on it with a few audible creaks and snaps. Not too close or too far from Estinien.

The situation alone, the consideration for his comfort continuously, it is enough to drive the elf completely insane.

He watches Gaius carefully unwrap a half of the ration.

Estinien drags a hand down his face leaning forward, his stomach now roiling. Hells.

“Am I allowed to speak freely?” Gaius says from somewhere beside him, an obvious playful challenge in his voice.

“…Don’t.” Estinien grits out from behind his hand. “ _Please._ ”

“-Is it my voice or the tone in which you find yourself being addressed that is the ah-“ Gaius pauses. “-problem?”

Estinien drops his hand with a clang as gauntlet meets greave to find Gaius already studying him. Embarrassment blooms in his chest and the elf exhales heavily through his nose. Even in the dusk light the flush is visible on the pale elf’s skin and the Garlean has his answer, turning back to his ration.

They finish eating in tense silence.

* * *

Estinien's brooding is eventually punctuated by the dull thud of gauntlet and greave deposited neatly in a pile next to the makeshift tent. _Heirsbane_ concealed but within reach.

Estinien begs himself not to look, but he so does anyway.

Coat and scarf are dropped on top of armor - Gaius unfastens his bandolier, breastplate, and heavy belt. He is faced away, and stretching out his arms and spine, moving a hand up to his neck. Estinien's eyes follow the hard plane of his back as he moves.

The dragoon swallows, hard.

"You're doing that on purpose." Estinien says trying to keep his tone even but his voice comes out strained.

"And you're staring." Gaius replies, tucking the bandolier with his gunblade and retrieving his coat and scarf, half dressing. He kicks his abandoned armor into a neat pile at the side of his bedroll and rucksack.  
  
Estinien loosens and removes his greaves with a sigh, kicking out of them, eyeing the spiked metal and pointedly not looking up as Gaius approaches, tossing them to the side.

"May I?" Gaius says, voice tinged with... Something. Third eye gleaming in the moonlight filtering through the trees. Looking down at Estinien with half lidded eyes.

Estinien does not trust himself to speak, so he nods, completely at a loss.

Furious, overwhelmed, overcome with a need to push the man away or throw him to the ground violently or…

Gaius places a hand on back of Estinien's neck and smooths down, looking for the clasp to his pauldrons. The elf turns his face away from the other man's hips and unfastens his gauntlet with unsure hands, ripping a strap in the process.

“Hells.” Estinien spits out as he throws the gauntlet towards the tent and feels the pauldrons fall from his shoulders.

“Get up.” Gaius says with no small measure of authority. Estinien feels a hand coil around his bicep, a demanding squeeze. His eyes are locked on a far-off point as his mind races in two directions.

No no no _no._

But also-

Gods _yes._

Gaius' other hand grips his face roughly. "Look at me." He says and the way his voice lowers sends a heat pooling low in Estinien's stomach. A thumb presses into his jaw and he hisses and looks up at him. "Can you stand?"  
  
Estinien nods wordlessly, and allows himself to be pulled to his feet, favoring his good leg. Gaius slowly unfastens the ties at the sides of the breastplate and it too falls away with a dull thud, pieces of it piercing the dirt. The chain shirt is unlaced and dropped as well, leaving a thin undershirt. The dragoon shudders as the night air hits him.

Literally and metaphorically disarmed, Estinien turns fully towards Gaius and curls a fist into his coat. "What **_are_** you?"

"A man, nothing more, nothing less." Gaius says, eyes twinkling. "Though you seemed more than interested in just that earlier tod-"

Estinien forces a kiss so hard and indelicate their teeth clack together and Gaius' chest rumbles in laughter against the dragoon as the other pulls down at the coat furiously.

"By The **Fury** I thought I told you to shut your mouth..." Estinien gasps into the kiss, parting only when Gaius tears his mouth away to tongue a hard line down the column of the other man's neck. Estinien shudders, hanging fully on to the coat for support as Gaius winds a hand around the small of the elf's back.

"Ah-" Estinien shivers and lays his head against a broad shoulder. "Stop, stop, stop." The hand at his back freezes.

"Is this not what you want?" Gaius says, barely above a whisper.

"No." Estinien growls. "Yes, but I-"

Gaius digs a thumb into the tender muscle at his hip. Estinien moans and chokes it off, biting into the leather of the coat, his arousal growing wildly out of his control. Estinien's cock brushes up against the other man's leg and he chases the friction again just to feel something - to ground himself.

"Tell me." Gaius says, grip on his hips forcing them apart, his own arousal evident at this point as well.  
Estinien looks at him, pupils blown wide, frustrated, hair stuck to his face at all angles and he can't speak, voice trapped somewhere deep inside himself.

Estinien abandons the coat and reaches for the tie at Gaius' pants. His wrist is grabbed swiftly, and another hand is fisted in white hair at the back of his skull forcing his gaze to meet.

Trapped. _Careless._

They pant shared breaths for a moment until Gaius tests the grip on the elf's hair by pulling ever so slightly. Estinien tenses against it but gives in and allows his jaw to be forced upward at the desired angle.

"Must everything be a fight with you..." Gaius murmurs, taking the edge of a pointed ear gently into his mouth and biting down.

Estinien huffs a laugh and drags his free hand under Gaius' shirt and up the ridges of muscle below, swallowing thickly.

Gaius watches the elf's throat bob with an almost cold calculation.

"You infuriate me - I don't know how you've done it, but you've cursed me." Estinien says, trying to maintain eye contact at the forced angle of his face. "I won't say a damned thing, you should know by now that the only time I'll cooperate is when there's no alternative-"

Gaius releases Estinien's hair and spins him facing forward, guiding him off the wounded leg, capturing both arms behind his back. The elf would have stumbled if not for the replacement of the maddeningly stable hand across his hip pressing in deep, slow circles. Gaius speaks directly into his ear:

"Then I suppose this will do just fine." And he pulls the dragoon back to rut slowly against his backside.

Estinien gasps and tenses his arms against the grip, attempts to thrash forward but Gaius follows, pressing close. Splaying a hand under Estinien’s shirt front and across his abdomen, biting down on the muscle connecting neck and shoulder. Estinien lets out a ragged moan.

" _Please_."

"What do you want..." Gaius says coolly from behind him. When he does not receive an answer, he rolls his hips into him again and drags his nails down the elf's front. Estinien shudders from the tips of his ears to his toes.

" _Halone's fucking **Tits** I want you to touch me you absolute monster_-" Estinien chokes out and grinds his own hips back, pulling a stuttered moan from the man behind him, still struggling. "I’ll wring the composure from your cock if I have to."

Gaius smooths his hand lower to rest just above the elf's hips.

Estinien shudders uselessly as Gaius bites down on his neck again, a firm hand tucks itself into his pants and smalls and curls around his dick to give a teasing stroke, once, twice, then is withdrawn.

"Hnggg _ells_.." Estinien stutters.

Estinien had not noticed being shuffled towards the bedrolls in his state. Summarily released from his captivity, only to be forced down under their makeshift shelter and onto the bedroll. The ground meets his injured leg a bit too hard and he grits his teeth, audibly gasping, and Gaius pauses.

"Don't you dare fucking stop-" Estinien says through gritted teeth and closed eyes. The other man obliges and flips the dragoon over, so he is laying on his back, injured leg tugged safely around Gaius' waist. One hand reaches for Estinien's pants-tie, the other to clamp tightly at the elf's jaw.

  
  
"Open your eyes-" Gaius says. "I would have you here for this."

Wild arousal pooling low in Estinien's stomach, his eyes flutter open to stare. They can barely see each other in the dark, but there is something about that third eye nestled in the middle of Gaius’ forehead that makes Estinien believe he can see everything, and it lays him completely bare.

Then the breath is forced out of him all at once as a large, warm hand envelops his length from tip to base and begins to move.

" _Gods above-_ " Estinien chokes out and tries to cant his hips into the motion, but Gaius' pace is deliberate as he takes him apart. One leg is useless, but his right leg shakes and flexes as he kicks into the ground to simply just _move_.

"But my you're stunning like this-" Gaius says quietly, now bent over the elf. Estinien can't do anything but writhe in response. Gaius' grip on his face softens, hand plucking silver hair away, and then kisses him almost chastely. A far cry from their earlier attempts.  
Estinien balls his hands into fists first at his side, then flexes them against the brick of a man in front of him for anything to ground himself with as Gaius continues to pump up and down his length.  
  
Gaius draws up Estinien's shirt with his bandaged hand and caresses down a particularly nasty scar as he presses into the divet of his hip. Estinien bites down on Gaius' lower lip, moaning.

"Nnwant you t'fuck me." He growls, trying to meet Gaius's hand with increasingly erratic thrusts. "not going to last-" Gaius speeds up his ministrations, and twists _just_ so, wringing out a gasp that is swallowed up between them as Estinien spills onto his own abdomen.

Panting in the aftermath, an arm draped over his face, he feels Gaius extricate himself from the tangle of legs and shift away - rustling through a bag, then another. Estinien lets out a huff of breath as he feels a cloth press down on his chest, and he takes it groggily, wiping away the worst of the mess and tucking himself away before discarding the cloth to the side with a boneless arm.

Gaius deposits something nearby and laughs quietly earning him a glare from the silver haired elf who, looking quite debauched even in the dark, attempts to lift himself against the downed tree they nested the almost-tent against.

"Take that fucking thing off - I hate it." Estinien motions to the jacket the Garlean is still wearing.

"You and I both know that's a lie." Gaius says, obliging all the same.

He removes the scarf and coat and lays them on the currently unused bedroll, leaving him with only a draped undershirt and bandages the length of his left arm.

Estinien leans forward and pulls Gaius in by a belt loop, drawing the other hand along the generous outline of his cock still trapped underneath. Gaius winds a hand through silver hair as his measured tone crumples only slightly.

"Careful _Ser_ ," Gaius forces out through gritted teeth, willing himself to calm "-or this will be over before you so much as begin."

Estinien preens somewhat at that, finishes with the knotted front string, and forcefully drags the other man's pants down to mid thigh. Gaius' dick hangs free, bobbing slightly, stiff with neglect.

Hand firmly curling around the base, Estinien leans forward to take the head into his mouth in one smooth motion. Gaius exhales sharply and curls the hand wound in the elf's hair tighter. Not dragging or pushing, just tensing. He runs the other hand along cheek and jaw.

Gaius takes in a sharp breath, his composure quickly fading. A quick bob down the length tells Estinien that he will not be able to continue bent inward like this. He drags his teeth gently along the underside of the length and swirls his tongue around the tip before removing his mouth with a wet pop, breathing heavily. The sight above him when he looks up is unlike any he has seen...

The Garlean's brows are knit together in intense concentration - lips curled back - and he is panting quietly. Wild golden eyes open slowly, looking down to meet Estinien's: he opens his mouth to speak but Estinien cuts him off.

“-Need you on your back.” He forces out, raw.

Gaius' nostrils flare as they quickly clamor around each other to rearrange.

Gaius ends up pressed against the downed tree, coat draped across his back, legs outstretched. Estinien crawls over him gracelessly, one hand returning to the needy appendage in front of him, and the other propping himself up and curling under and around a thigh to hold them both steady, gripping tightly. Estinien leans on his right knee and slides his mouth slowly down the shaft in his hand, bitterness pooling at the tip.

Gaius trembles with the restraint it takes not to buck into the tight heat, exhaling hard and sending his fingers trembling down the elf's back, letting his own head fall against the wood behind him.

Estinien slides off, takes a moment to breathe, and looks up.

"I'm not glass, _Wolf_ \- touch me. I _want_ to feel it."

Estinien digs his fingers in against the other man's hip and licks a wet stripe down the Garlean's cock before taking it in his mouth once more. Gaius groans and drags a hand back up to twist Estinien's long hair into a low knot at the base of his skull and he _tugs_. Just once, sharply.

This has Estinien practically rutting against the bedroll, moaning around the dick in his mouth as he takes it in as far as he can - lips meeting the hand curled at the base. He hollows out his cheeks and bobs up, back down, picking up his pace. On the last rise he tongues at the slit, and Gaius chokes, forcing the elf off him by the hair.

Estinien looks sidelong at the man holding him, neck pulled awkwardly to the side by the fist in his hair, and he smirks - entirely too pleased with himself.

Gaius’ breath is coming in uneven, ragged pants. The dragoon squeezes the base of Gaius’ cock just slightly.

“Estinien-“ he growls out in warning. The elf unhands him and follows where he is led.

Gaius draws Estinien up over him by the hair and then loosens his grip.

“Remove those.” He jerks his chin towards the dragoon’s loosened leggings. Bracing himself on the man below him, Estinien does so, until he is caught up in the tangle of torn pant and bandage on his left leg and he lets out a curse.

“Here,” Gaius says, “hang on to my shoulders...” and Estinien does so as Gaius bends around him to gently pull the pant leg off the rest of the way and discards it with the rest.

Hardening cock freed once more, Estinien curls over Gaius’ back with a shudder as the cool air hits him. Straightening, Gaius pulls Estinien squarely into his lap, over his hips; the elf’s arousal trapped between them.

Estinien focuses long enough to look down and finds Gaius staring.

“Like what you see, old man?” Estinien drawls out, half sex drunk, through overworked lips.

“Very much indeed.” Gaius says as he drags his thumb across the pale jaw of the man on top of him, reaching around to pull him down by the hair again into a crushing kiss. He probes in with his tongue to find the elf pliant and yielding this time, tasting his own bitter flavor. Gaius fumbles noisily with his free hand in the dark until he finds what he’s looking for; a small bottle.

Estinien reaches down the other man’s arm until he feels the bottle in his hand, eyebrows raising towards his hairline as he stammers out a breath.

“How did you-“

“I didn’t plan for the Most Esteemed Ser Estinien rolling around in my bedroll for a swive if that’s where your concern lies.” Gaius murmurs into the elf’s ear, uncorking the bottle with a pop. Estinien laughs at that and reaches for it but Gaius pulls it away.

“-allow me.” He says in a tone that prickles Estinien’s skin with gooseflesh.

Estinien brings their mouths together again, growling a ‘hurry’ against the other man’s lips.

Holding the bottle in his bandaged hand, he pours a small amount of oil right low on Estinien’s back, earning a gasp. He then coats his free hand generously and corks the bottle, leaving it nearby. Grabbing a thigh firmly with the bandaged hand he pulls him up to kiss down his neck. Estinien flushes as wet fingers circle his entrance and pause.

“What are you waiting for...” Estinien breathes at the man below him.

“Permission-“ Gaius says, biting hard at the sensitive spot just below an ear, causing Estinien to arch forward. “What do you need...?” He murmurs.

“Ahn-hh ang you.” Estinien forces out trying to buck back into the fingers on him. “I-“

Gaius drags his thumb down the oil pooled just at his tailbone and Estinien growls low.

“I-I want you to fuck me open, man, don’t make me beg. I won’t. _I can’t_ -“

Gaius slides a finger in to the knuckle.

“ _Ah-_ “ Estinien gasps, back arching into a sharp curve. Gaius begins to pump in and out, slowly, waiting for the elf to adjust, and then smoothly adds another digit. The dragoon braces himself on the man below him and shudders as Gaius glances against the spot deep inside him, angling deeper, spreading his fingers.

"Godsdammit, _godsfucking dammit-_ " Estinien grabs at Gaius' hair, his neck, anything. He lowers his forehead to meet the pearlescent third eye. It is warm to the touch and practically buzzing with energy. Meeting it sends a shock straight through Gaius to pool hotly at his groin.

More oil, a third finger, drawn in and out until Estinien is practically mad with need, eyes unfocused-

"Gods, _Please_." He barely even knows what he’s begging for anymore, voice is raw and strangled.

Gaius withdraws his hand all at once and pushes forward from his recline. Coating his own erection now with the oil, he lines himself up with Estinien and the bottle is forgotten. Grip on the elf's hips firm and steady, holding him off the wounded leg: he begins to push in.

Estinien's face twists silently in ecstasy. Gaius watches, rapt, until their hips meet and slot together.

Gaius falls back into the log propping him up with a thud, drawing the elf out of his reverie. Estinien exhales slowly, eyes glazed, hands tensing against the other man's chest; fingers curling and uncurling against firm muscle. He shakes, pinned by the hands gripped around his waist and he leans in to ramble curses into the sweat at Gaius' temple.

“Fucking _MOVE_ or just strike me down where I am, I swear it-"

Gaius pulls out, slow, and then slams back in right to the hilt, angling just to the side and it is all Estinien can do to stay upright, breath leaving his lungs.

Again, Gaius thrusts and they fall into rhythm together, Gaius' legs tensing with each motion, running his hands firmly up and down ribs, then waist, then thigh, increasing the pace. Estinien nuzzles his forehead into the crook of Gaius' neck, breath coming in short, hot rasps.

“mclose-“ The dragoon gasps after a particular hard thrust, hitting him _just_ so, "ah-there, _there-!_ " and he crushes Gaius’ forearm in warning.

Gaius takes his uncovered hand and roughly fists Estinien's cock - the dragoon makes an almost choked sound.

"Come for me." Gaius says, the commanding tone in his voice has dissolved, completely unraveled. Voice coarse.

Estinien thrusts into the hand wrapped around him and Gaius thrusts in to match.

Tipping over the edge and crashing past it, Estinien Wyrmblood, former Azure Dragoon of Ishgard, laid low by vice within and without, finishes with a weak shout into Gaius’ fist. Grip near bruising on the arm in his grasp and tensing completely as Gaius fucks him through the orgasm. Practically trembling as the man below him tries to milk the very soul out of him through his cock, messing the Garlean’s shirt in the process.

"If there was a god I prayed to-" Gaius stutters out at the sudden constriction as Estinien climaxes "-I would be thanking them for this rare pleasure..." Estinien huffs into his neck, collapsed over as he is.

Close himself, Gaius thrusts up one last time and pulls out completely, spilling messily on the back of Estinien's thigh.

They both still, pulses thundering.

"…Fuck me, that was…" Estinien drawls, voice husky.

"I am an old man, _Ser_ , I don't think I could survive that twice in one night."

Estinien laughs outright and fumbles for the rag he discarded earlier. Gaius lifts the boneless elf on top of him gently so he can remove his soiled shirt and use it to clean off the mess on Estinien’s back and thigh. The whole thing feels strangely intimate, and that hot feeling from earlier crawls its way back up Estinien's neck.

They tidy in silence, blessedly managing not to have soiled the bedrolls overmuch.

Gently detangling limb from limb, Gaius takes care even now to favor Estinien’s wounded leg.

Well and truly dark at this point, and unable to locate his smalls, Estinien grumbles and just prays that everything he tossed around can be located come morning. Gaius kicks off his pants and readjusts his own smallclothes, sliding into a bedroll. Estinien stifles a yawn from his chosen side.

A warm hand ghosts under Estinien's shirt.

"If you would ah-" Gaius chooses his next words carefully "…Indulge me. We need not speak on it. I've no interest in pillow talk or the like..." Estinien glances over his shoulder. Gaius is, for once, pointedly looking away. Estinien glances up to the third eye and the edges of his mouth quirk up into a small smile.  
  
"Help me find my smalls." Estinien says gruffly.

Gaius wordlessly reaches over the elf and plucks them from the discarded pants some ilms away from where he was looking. Estinien chuckles and draws them carefully up his legs, then hips. Gaius reclines back in his own bedroll with a sigh.

Before he can think on it too hard, Estinien shoves his bedroll as close as he can next to Gaius and curls in.

"An indulgence, as you say." Estinien mumbles, turning his head to face the other man, pillowing it on an arm and running a finger along a lightly stubbled jaw. Gaius turns and captures the hand, pressing a kiss lightly on the pulse point and pulling Estinien over by the wrist to drape him fully across the Garlean's own broad chest.

Comfortable and warm, Estinien cannot help but nod off like a lazy cat, and Gaius himself relaxes when he hears the elf's breathing even out.

They have no night watch but Gaius dozes lightly with one hand on _Heirsbane,_ the other arm subconsciously curling around his companion.

* * *

Gaius wakes before dawn, a chill hitting his exposed shoulder, gooseflesh prickling along uncovered skin.

He does not stir, sensing a comfortable weight on his other arm, warm breath hitting his chest in even puffs. Every so often, a shiver, and Estinien draws himself in and the bedroll up.

Torn between not wanting to wake his companion, who by his own admission has trouble sleeping, and wanting to perhaps warm up their sleeping arrangements, he watches.

Estinien sleeps deeply, probably more soundly that would generally be safe. Gaius thinks on this a bit fondly.

Strange, that.

Still half-asleep, he raises himself just enough to unfurl half his bedroll at the side, doing his best to ignore the stiffness in his back. He does the same with the dragoon’s roll and blanket before quickly dragging them together to overlap. As a final touch he knows will annoy come morning, he drapes his red coat across Estinien and draws him close under the cover.

He smooths a hand down the elf’s side from under the blanket, and in sleep Estinien draws closer still, an arm moving to rest at Gaius’ chest. The man falls into a relaxed doze once again, breath ghosting over silver hair.

* * *

Estinien wakes when the light hits his forehead through the gap in their shoddily strung together tent, well - tarp, really. If they were to be generous.

In the light of the morning, everything comes into sharper focus; the shape of the chest he’s pressed against, the give of the bedrolls cocooned together, their current state of undress… all of it.

Estinien tenses instinctively and tries to extricate himself, wincing slightly at the dull throb in his arse and the tug of the bandaged leg: a reminder of the past day all flooding back in a rush. He exhales shakily - this was so much easier when, well… When he had full range of motion in both legs, for one. And perhaps when he still had his sodding good sense intact.

If he could just get out of here without waking this positively _impossible_ man, he thinks to himself, pushing up on his forearms.

Estinien felt stifled, like there suddenly was not enough air, not anywhere he could run fast enough.

His blood hums unhelpfully for a fight, neck growing hot again despite everything, noticing finally the damned red coat draped across him and he has to move quickly or risk throttling the man next to him in his sleep.

Folding himself out of the loose grip and trying to disturb the blankets as little as possible, he fumbles for his leggings, grabs the coat and ducks out of the tent on unstable legs to find his greaves.

* * *

Waking alone and substantially colder, Gaius allows himself a moment to quite literally groan and creak, he flexes his arms and back before sitting up. Blankets barely disturbed, he notices his coat missing and the corner of his mouth quirks upward.

Shirt soiled and unusable, Gaius snatches up his scarf and pants, and drags out a worn in shirt from his rucksack. Inspecting all and finding them suitably clean for the road, he dresses, albeit slowly.

He rolls the bedding up, separately, and tidies himself up briefly before stepping out himself.

Estinien is seated some yalms away with injured leg outstretched, wearing _his_ coat, picking at the dirt with the butt end of his lance, muttering.

On approach Gaius is greeted with the point of _Gae Bolg_ leveled at him, the dragoon staring sidelong at him. A tense moment passes.

Two.

_Three._

Estinien sighs and plants the tip into the dirt, leveraging it to help him to a standing position.

“I-“ he swallows, visibly uncomfortable, fingers needling at the edges of the borrowed coat. "Th. ..hm." The elf looks away, words stolen completely by some void between them.

“The red looks good on you.” Gaius teases, visibly chilled as he is himself in the dawning light. He crosses his arms and juts a hip out to the side.

“Oh hang your fucking coat-“ Estinien says as he tears it off as quickly as he can and throws it at the other man, bristling.

"There’s nothing we need to speak on if it means your discomfort, friend," Gaius says, laughing, as he catches the coat before it hits his face. "But if there’s something you need from me I’d like to know."

Estinien, still vexed, moves to shove past Gaius and to the tent but is stopped by a hand on his arm,

"Indulge me." Gaius says trying to catch his eyes.

The tips of Estinien’s ears redden and he stops but does not turn.

“I-this was, good. Nice even,” he mumbles out, like it cost him to admit even to himself. “I’m not…Oft looking for that. I don’t know how to reciprocate any of it, I-“ he sighs, shutting his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “…t’was a damned good fuck, Baelsar, best sleep I’ve had in years.”

Estinien slides his arm out of the other man’s grip and makes to tear down the tarp, leaving Gaius in stunned contemplation behind him.

* * *


	2. The Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Estinien…”_
> 
> _“Shut up - I’m thinking.” Estinien says as he releases Gaius’ wrist and places his hands on the chest in front of him to push him down to sit. He screws his eyes shut again._
> 
> _Gaius lets his hands drift along the elf’s hips, not pressing or pulling, just dancing along the edge of his leggings until he’s able to slide a hand up the back of his shirt. Estinien’s hands tense where they lay on Gaius’ chest._
> 
> _“I-“ He all but whispers. Gaius’ other hand finds its way under his shirt and he shivers. “I want to…feel something. I hate that I want… _need_ that from you.” He says. Gaius’ eyes are fixed on him as Estinien opens his own. “I can’t ask-“_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note! Please take a look at the updated tags!  
> there are some slight d/s elements near the end (very slight) and it's still unbeta'd so many apologies if i need to go back over it 400 times for corrections + adjustments.

* * *

The next few nights were not awkward, not exactly.

Estinien was cagey, still quick to startle, but his mood was much improved and his leg seemed better with each passing day. When he did need help he accepted it with more grace and less grumbling now that there wasn’t an audience, but he did still seem to struggle with voicing much of anything.

Gaius wasn’t going to press. This was…a much improved situation. And it wasn’t as if it didn’t come with other benefits. 

He let a private smile spread across his face while the Dragoon’s attentions were elsewhere.

* * *

"…So you just…took half of the tent, then." Gaius says, slowly, realization dawning as he counts the additional pieces she pulls free from her pack.

"Well," Severa says, shrugging her shoulders, "I figured you'd either fuck or kill each other and we could finally get a godsdamned move on out here." 

Valdeaulin turns wordlessly to regard her, an unreadable expression passing across his face, one eyebrow twitching. A wordless 'no' slipping out of his mouth, absolutely no longer wanting to be present for this conversation. Gaius himself places a hand on his chin uncomfortably.

The three of them stand silently for a moment, facing each other. Severa speaks up again after a minute or so.

"Really, I mean. It was more a test to see what that one would do." She says, pointing past Gaius towards Estinien who was now doing his best to not rip apart the tent wrapping he was currently packing up. He stills completely when he notices he's being watched and looks up, frowning.

"Are you fools really ju-" and Estinien stops, staring directly at Severa, who was now holding several loose tent poles and a few conspicuous pegs.

A number of which were quite missing over the past few days. The number of days that he was travelling with Gaius.

"-You." Estinien rises to his feet in one smooth motion, his own task abandoned. "You did this." He storms over with an arm outstretched and murder in his eyes, but Gaius strides forward to meet him and holds out his hand, catching him mid-stride by the front of his breastplate.

"Unhand me, Wolf-" Estinien snarls, grabbing at the hand and trying to force his way forward. 

"Estinien-" Gaius says, tone steady. He tugs on the armor in his grip in an attempt to pull the Dragoon's focus off his target.

Severa casually piles the stray pieces of the tent on the ground and looks up at Estinien, completely unbothered. He returns her gaze with a stare that is so furious it borders on confusion.

Gaius tugs at his breastplate again.

"What harm did it do, in the end, mm?" Gaius says, only to Estinien, quiet but even. 

Estinien does finally tear his gaze away from the Hyur woman, narrowing his eyes at the other man.

"Would a few more tent poles have changed anything?" Gaius says lowly.

"Yes." Estinien snaps, his whole body tense, fingers digging into Gaius' wrist, the man's hand still holding onto his armor.

"I think-" Gaius says, even more quietly, leaning in, "-that you're embarrassed to have been caught out having a genuine feeling for once, and you'll blame anything - lash out at anything to bury that."

"Don't-" Estinien says after a beat, clawing at Gaius' hand. He bares his teeth, upper lip twitching. " _Don't_. Let me go." The elf is furious, but Gaius can still see the telltale flush tint the tips of his ears.

Gaius releases him and Estinien turns abruptly to storm off and away, at speed.

The Garlean steps back towards his other companions and tries not to dwell on what may be the loss of the precious little headway he had gained with Estinien thanks to his defusal of the current situation.

"Got him practically leashed now, have you?" Valdeaulin grumbles as he returns. Severa elbows him in between the ribs and he folds to the side slightly, grimacing.

"I think we might need to have a small chat about boundaries and communal supplies, hm?" Gaius says, now glowering at the two remaining members of their traveling party. "Then, I'll have to fix the mess I just made."

* * *

Estinien had not stormed far, in the end. He was worrying a small branch in his hand, peeling away bark in little strips, when he hears the underbrush disturbed behind him.

"Just leave me be." Estinien says, loud and angry when he hears the telltale sound of twigs snapping, his own feet planted firmly, facing away. Holding himself with as much tension as someone is able.

"I thought about sending one of the others to collect you after we've been standing around like idiots for far longer than is necessary, but I was afraid we'd end up with a murder on our hands." The smooth voice follows noisy footsteps, announcing Gaius' arrival.

"I didn’t say fucking talk, I said leave-" Estinien spins on a heel to stare at the other man.

"I tire of waiting for you to collect yourself." Gaius eyes him evenly, arms crossed.

"I didn't fucking ask you to-" Estinien spits. "Just, leave."

"So I suppose we'll just leave you to fly into Garlemald by yourself, then."

"...If you value your companion's neck where it is, aye. I don’t require your aid."

Gaius makes a frustrated noise, deep in his throat. Estinien narrows his eyes in return but doesn't offer anything else. He snaps the branch he was toying with in his hands and discards it, turning away and folding his arms.

Gaius slowly moves to stand next to him to follow his line of sight. The clearing Estinien stopped in opens out into a small ravine. While it's not much to look at, at least it's something to draw attention away from the situation the men have found themselves in.

"Tell me what you need." Gaius says after a moment, voice fraught but layered with that same cool affectation he tries to maintain. "-And before you say ' _leave_ ' know that isn’t on the table. I didn't leave you to the mercies of the woods, and I don't intend on being chased away by a tantrum, either."

Estinien flinches, almost imperceptibly, and Gaius eyes the flush dusting the tips of his ears again. 

" _Don't_ -" Estinien growls out, drawing his shoulder up. "I hate it when you speak. When you speak I can’t-" He shuts his mouth abruptly, clamping a hand roughly overtop, for fear of giving too much away. Fearing he already had. 

"...We're just about to the wall, and out of the woods." Gaius says, turning to the elf. "I can't promise they'll behave but I can certainly promise more comfortable traveling arrangements once we make it to the ship."

Estinien grunts wordlessly, hand still pressed over his mouth, considering.

"One could say a small prank at both of our expenses could be considered fair exchange for a fractured arm, you know." Gaius offers after a moment.

"...You're entirely too calm about all of this, Wolf." Estinien grumbles from behind his hand.

"Someone has to be." Gaius returns, and Estinien glares at him. "…I've talked to her, not that I imagine it matters to you, but it's been put to rest." Estinien turns to face the other man.

"You are _right_ , you know." Estinien murmurs, letting his arms fall to his side. "About a fair many things - I don't care for it…” The elf turns slowly towards Gaius. “You have a way with reading me - it makes me nervous." Gaius' face cracks into a small smirk and Estinien steps closer, threatening his space.

Fully in front of him now, face to face, Estinien leans in to whisper in Gaius' ear. A hand gently placed on his shoulder "...However, let it be known I would have preferred to have been bedded in a full-" He punctuates the phrase by running his hand down Gaius' front to his pants-tie and further down still, palming him roughly over the fabric. "-tent." He flicks the last consonant off his teeth, grinning slyly.

Gaius almost shudders as his cock grows interested, straining against it's confinement just as Estinien drags his hand gently up and away. Caught up in the moment and completely off guard, Gaius is left standing alone, half-hard in the small clearing as Estinien slips away to walk wordlessly back towards the others.

* * *

Estinien smiles despite himself but wipes it off his face as he approaches the remaining two of their party. He wordlessly returns to the tent he was wrestling with before he was interrupted.

"Where's Gaius- " Valdeaulin asks. "You didn't kill him, did you?" He asks, with a bit too much weighing on it.

Estinien looks up at him, grunts a negative and returns to what he was doing. He starts when something taps him on the shoulder. Severa holds out a full liquor bottle and taps him again with it when he doesn't move.

"A peace offering." She says by way of explanation.

"You don't- It's not necessary." Estinien says, making to turn away. She prods him with it again.

"I want to." She says, and something in her voice makes him stop and consider the bottle. He takes it in hand and looks it over. "I promise it's not poisoned." She adds. He tips his head in thanks as he stows it in his pack, accepting. Severa grins and backs off.

Gaius storms in to join them a few minutes later. Estinien, his back to the others, lets his gaze rake over the Garlean for far longer than necessary. Gaius levels him with a scowl and moves quickly past to collect his things.

Affairs (mostly) sorted, they make to move on towards the Wall.

* * *

Crossing past patrols at the wall proved challenging but not impassable. Patrol routes had been marked by Severa and Valdeaulin days earlier, and upon careful examination, they hadn't been modified in the time it took them to get there. Severa guides them through a breach in the wall at a break in the guard patrol, and with good timing, they were through to Gyr Abania within about a bell or two.

They skirt around Castrum Oriens, barely avoiding the guard stationed there, and make it out into the East End. 

"We should reach it by nightfall at this pace." Gaius says, once they're a good distance from the wall and into the dust.

"Good." Severa groans and stretches briefly. "We're a bit exposed out here."

"We can keep to the cliff sides." Gaius offers. "It's east of here, near the river, obscured." And he turns to move on, Valdeaulin and Severa follow, keeping pace. Estinien breathes deeply, the air not quite cooling in the late afternoon. He flexes his healing leg. Still good.

Gaius stops them as evening crawls around.

Pinging the skiff with some magitek device he’s retrieved from his pocket, he fumbles around what looks like empty space until his hand touches metal. He slides a hand along an invisible, but obviously there hull until he finds the mechanism he’s looking for, and pings again with the device. A door at the side opens with minimal sound, kicking up a small dust cloud underneath.

“Can’t believe you didn’t misplace the damn thing.” Estinien muses aloud.

“A common enough parking spot, I suppose.” Gaius says. “Spent a few of your ‘moons’ hovering around the borders, hunting.”

“…I see.” Estinien says, staring, as they slowly file into the ship.

* * *

While still cloaked from the outside it was difficult to tell what manner of situation he would be greeted with on the inside, but it was rather spacious all things considered. Weapons storage near the door, separate steering compartment at the front…

“Bunks down the hall.” Severa says, sliding past. “Hot plate and boiler past that in the commons.” She waves and heads in to rest.

Valdeaulin wordlessly stows his staff and makes for the bunks as well. Estinien stows his lance and drops his pack as he steps fully in. The door closes behind him with a hydraulic hiss, and he tries not to think of a cage, or a vice closing around him.

Gaius stows his pack in the front, near the navigation controls. Estinien pokes his head in to take a look and ends up face to face with Gaius as he draws himself up after stowing his gear.

“Everything as you left it?” Estinien asks. Gaius’ eyes flit behind the elf briefly to confirm the others are out of earshot and he pulls Estinien into the cockpit by the front of his armor. He shoves him roughly back against the bulkhead as Estinien lets loose a breathy chuckle.

“I have-” Gaius forces out, trying to maintain his composure, “been thinking about your little stunt from earlier.”

“Enjoyed that, did you?” Estinien murmurs, unrepentant.

“ _No_.” Gaius says, coming out as nothing more than a hoarse whisper. Still holding the other man fast to the bulkhead, he surges forward to kiss him, with an almost bruising ferocity that Estinien tries to match. Gaius presses a leg forcefully between Estinien's own, nudging them apart. The elf bites down on Gaius' lower lip, just short of drawing blood.

Gaius pulls back with a sharp intake of breath.

"Is your goal to frustrate me into taking you here, in full view of whoever were to walk in?" Gaius lets the last consonant float off his tongue as he noses down the long column of Estinien's throat.

Estinien himself, not unaffected by the rough treatment, eyes Gaius - pupils blown.

"You can try-" He tenses his arms, gripping Gaius' coat at his chest.

Gaius presses in with his thigh as he bites down on Estinien's neck, and the Dragoon chokes off a moan as he is unable to stop himself from chasing the friction and rubbing himself on Gaius' leg.

"You, ngh, _bastard_....!" Estinien knocks his head back against the metal of the bulkhead and pushes Gaius away with force, batting the hand off his breastplate, panting hard. He moves away and leans on the pilot's chair to adjust himself in his leggings, though difficult over his armor, in an attempt to relieve himself of some of the sudden and immediate _discomfort_. Begging it to subside, really, to no avail. He shuffles uncomfortably to the co-pilot's seat and slumps down into it, groaning.

Gaius chuckles and brings his attention back to the ship, preparing for launch as Estinien grumpily tries to calm himself. He lifts a leg and plants it to the right of the control panel, fidgeting. Severa pops in a minute later.

"Any problems with the ship, Boss?" She asks.

"Hm? Oh, no, just took some extra time to get settled. We'll be off." Gaius hums pleasantly, leaning over the console as it lights up. He flicks three switches above and to his left first, then draws a lever down before hitting a button in the center. The small ship whirs to life, and suddenly the view window clears and they can see out into the evening, kicking up dust as the engine starts to lift the ship. The stealth armor disengages and the metal of the ship becomes visible once more.

Estinien looks out in the dimming light as they rise, fire still coiling low in his belly.

“We’ll be fully in Garlemald with good timing.” Gaius said as the ship turns and he taps another couple buttons. He pulls at the steering column and the ship zips off.

“I’ll let Val know.” Severa says and taps the bulkhead, turning back towards the hall.

With the faint buzzing of magitek, the rumble of complementing machinery, Estinien soon finds it difficult to keep his eyes open despite the fire kindled inside him from earlier. He blinks slowly, head falling to graze the cold metal armor on his shoulder only slightly, jostling him.

Blinking again, longer this time, he startles awake as his leg slips off the console and the metal boot clanks against the floor.

“Rest.” Gaius says from beside him in the pilot’s seat. “…I’ve heard that those unaccustomed to Imperial technology find the vibrations of the engines quite soothing.” He offers.

“Mm. Piss off.” Estinien mumbles blearily as he rips off his pauldrons and slumps back comfortably in his seat, shutting his eyes and curling in the other direction.

* * *

Estinien's doze starts light, idly listening to Gaius fiddle with various controls on the dashboard, the steady beep of the navigation system. He tunes out a muted conversation between Valdeaulin and Gaius that had just the barest edge of tolerance. After this, he is pulled under completely.

*

_The darkness leads him deep into a fire that roars up in front of him, cutting off his route forward._

_Instead of the terrifying stench of burning hair and flesh, or the screams of the dying, all he hears is silence. All he can smell is the crackle of aether._

_A chill meets his back and he whirls around only to meet the cliff side of a yawning chasm, toes scraping the very edge and jostling loose stones to tumble into the silence below. His arms flail back to counterbalance, refusing to let himself fall to his death, and Estinien twists to land safely facing away from the cliff’s edge on hands and knees._

_He pushes himself up to a kneel and is greeted to a blade leveled at him, low and right over his heart._

_In the hairsbreadth before the shot rings out, his eyes flit up to meet two gold and a pearlescent third and then he’s falling, so slowly. The ground rising to meet him as the warmth seeps out of him... but he doesn’t die._

_As he lies on the hard ground, chilled and motionless, he can feel a gloved hand tenderly press across his neck to stroke along his pulse point and down. He can feel an arm being lifted, lips press softly to the matching point at a wrist and his lungs fill with a shuddering breath-_

*

Estinien’s eyes snap open but he doesn’t move, he just stills himself and wills his heart to stop thundering against his ribs.

Gaius does not miss the hand that grips the armrest with force, and the sudden tension that fills his previously sleeping companion.

The elf adjusts, stiffness in his limbs finally becoming too much, and he huffs out a breath in discomfort before finally pushing himself forward to roll out his shoulders.

Neither man willing to break the silence, they sit quietly for a time and Estinien even manages to relax a fraction. They both startle at a ping on the navigation panel.

"It seems we've breached an outer perimeter." Gaius says, peering over the console. He taps out a sequence of buttons and the stealth engages once more.

"Mhm." 

“…I’ll need to rest shortly, and Valdeaulin will likely be taking over.” Gaius says, tossing a glance sideways.

“Eugh.” Estinien’s face twists into a grimace and he draws himself forward and up to collect his discarded pauldrons and stows them across his pack. He shrugs the strap over his shoulder and turns without a word leaving Gaius alone to guide the ship.

Estinien does pass Valdeaulin in the hall as he leaves and the two eye each other suspiciously.

* * *

There are two bunk rooms.

After peering into one and finding Severa dozing on one of two beds, he opts for the other door. This room, empty and suitable, has two beds and a small utilitarian table with chairs. Estinien throws down his pack and strips off some of his armor, the more obtrusive pieces, and slumps into one of the chairs, still in his greaves and chain shirt.

Sitting still he can feel the vibrations of the ship through the floor and he hears the flash of a gunblade firing, feels the ghost of fingers along his pulse and slaps the side of his own face a couple of times to dispel the dream once more.

Seriously contemplating breaking out and onto the roof for a brief moment, he’s interrupted by approaching footsteps. They stop near, and he hears the door opposite creak open, then closed again. Gaius then opens the door to the room Estinien is currently occupying.

“I assume you’re amenable to sharing.” Gaius says after Estinien’s gaze lingers on him for far longer than necessary. “I don’t plan on pulling out a travel cot on my own ship and shoving it in the commons.” Gaius stows his own gear near the foot of the other bed and removes a few of his own bulkier armaments before sitting.

Estinien grunts an acknowledgement. "It does seem to be your ship, after all."

He keeps the coat on, Estinien notices out of the corner of his eye. Estinien looks down to his half dress and damaged greave and frowns, then stands.

“I...can’t wear this while out doing reconnaissance. Here. Where we're going.” Estinien says gesturing to his armour. He says it half to Gaius, half to the room, unsure. When he realizes he actually has the other man’s attention, he continues: “…For one, it’s…damaged. And secondly it's...distinct.” Gaius considers the Dragoon and the pile of discarded armor. He hadn’t seen anything similar worn outside of Ishgard in his travels and certainly not in Garlemald.

“I see your point.” Gaius says. “So, new travel wear?” Estinien nods then stares at him in mute silence.

Gaius returns the gaze carefully.

"I-" Estinien starts. "Well I can't exactly run around. Like this?" His frown deepens.

Gaius thinks for a moment, catching his meaning, then feigns ignorance. "What exactly is your point?"

Estinien sighs, frustrated.

"Y…hm. Hells take you.." He grumbles, grabbing his pack and fishing around in it.

"Truly, enlighten me." Gaius says, leaning back in his seat and enjoying the flustered way in which Estinien continues to search for something in his pack. "What do you need?"

Estinien retrieves his coin purse and shoves it against Gaius' chest. "I need you to purchase something else for me to wear." He says, glaring. "…Please." Estinien lowers his gaze and presses the pouch firmly against Gaius until he relents and takes it with a hand. "Something practical, less...metal.." He mutters.

Smothering the urge to press and barb further, Gaius pockets the pouch without another word, and nods.

"...My thanks." Estinien mumbles almost inaudibly, and finishes removing his greaves before setting himself back down at the table across from Gaius. He looks at him. “You were to rest, were you not?”

“Ah, yes.” Gaius says absently, tapping a finger lightly against the table a few times before rising and walking behind Estinien as if to tread to his side of the room.

He slips past close enough to draw the hair away from Estinien’s neck and examines the mark blossoming there, red and angry. Estinien brings a hand to cover and he turns, a defiant heat in his eyes. Gaius’ gloved hand drags along his neck and the dream is brought forward unbidden - Estinien screws his eyes shut, grabs the other man's wrist and digs his fingers in, gripping tightly.

"What is it-" Gaius murmurs, letting his arm go lax in Estinien's claw-like grip. "What do you need?"

“Stop talking.” He grinds out through gritted teeth as he rises from his seat. Gaius attempts to pull his arm away but Estinien holds it fast. He fists his own hand in Gaius’ shirt and pushes. Pushes until the back of the other man’s knees hit the bed on the far side of the room.

“Estinien…”

“Shut up - I’m thinking.” Estinien says as he releases Gaius’ wrist and places his hands on the chest in front of him to push him down to sit. He screws his eyes shut again.

Gaius lets his hands drift along the elf’s hips, not pressing or pulling, just dancing along the edge of his leggings until he’s able to slide a hand up the back of his shirt. Estinien’s hands tense where they lay on Gaius’ chest.

“I-“ He all but whispers. Gaius’ other hand finds its way under his shirt and he shivers. “I want to…feel something. I hate that I want… _need_ that from you.” He says. Gaius’ eyes are fixed on him as Estinien opens his own. “I can’t ask-“

Gaius tugs at Estinien by the grip he has on his waist and the expanse of his back and pulls him down, craning his neck to bring their lips together. Estinien is stiff, rigid against him but he soon gives over to something hot and needy. The elf pulls back, one knee on the bed, and tears his loose shirt off over his head. He lets it fall somewhere nearby on the floor.

As he moves to reclaim his place, Gaius shifts sideways and upends their balance. Estinien ends up flat on his back on the bed, legs splayed. Gaius’ arms cage him in but the gaze is what pins him.

"…Take that damned thing off." Estinien breathes, pulling at Gaius' coat. "This too-" and he paws at the shirt underneath.

Gaius pulls back, straddling the other man's hips as he pulls off his coat, tossing it aside. He hesitates at the hem of his shirt, only briefly, but it's enough that Estinien takes note. Then that too is pulled off and discarded, along with the glove on his right hand.

In the flickering magitek light, as opposed to the midnight dark of the forest, the burn scars are visible down his left side. Though his left arm remains bandaged the scarring extends down his flank and across his chest in uneven stretches. He doesn't flinch under the scrutiny.

"A parting gift..." Gaius says, not looking away. "Not one I'm particularly fond of, but not undeserved." Estinien props himself up on a forearm and tentatively brings his hand to rest against Gaius' ribs, palming where the burn meets unmarred skin. The gesture is too tender between the two of them and Estinien feels immediately like he’s wronged somehow. The chasm that steals his words returns, and he shoves forward further to crowd Gaius' space, wrapping an arm around to pull him down, wiggling a leg free to hook it behind his knee to keep him there. 

Estinien moves his hips, then.

Gaius grunts and drops his head to mouth at the mark left on Estinien's neck earlier, pressing his palm against Estinien’s chest and kneading the tender muscle there

"I'm not- hah- letting you fuck me until we both bathe." Estinien groans as Gaius draws a line down to his hip with a hand.

"What do you suggest?" Gaius murmurs as he drags his stubbled jaw across the elf's pale neck, earning him a shudder in response.

"Hrg...ah- just want to-" Estinien stutters, arching, straining to bring their hips closer. "feel you- _hells_..."

Gaius winds his arms around Estinien, low, at the curve in the elf's back as Estinien juts his hips forward, Gaius moving with him.

Estinien reaches between to undo the ties at his Gaius' pants, then his own, so only their smallclothes remain between them. He then throws his arms up to lock his hands around Gaius’ neck and he shifts, just slightly, to rub their lengths together through the fabric.

The friction is just on the edge of maddening, on the edge of not enough. Estinien’s breath hitches as they pick up speed, grinding against each other with a single-minded focus. Estinien crushes his mouth clumsily against Gaius’, pressing in with his tongue. Snagging chapped lips with the edge of a canine.

Gaius groans and the sound is swallowed into their frenzy.

Pulling away only slightly, Gaius brings his uncovered hand to Estinien's face and searches his eyes. Gold meeting silver. He runs his fingers along the elf's bottom lip as he thrusts his hips forward again. Estinien lets out another stuttered breath and loosens his grip on Gaius' neck to slide a hand down to his waist.

Gaius grabs the wandering hand at the wrist.

"You want to feel me, then?" Gaius says, with intensity.

Estinien matches his gaze and nods slowly, once.

Gaius returns his hand to Estinien's lips and pushes two fingers into the wet heat of his mouth, past the surprised inhale and the sharp graze of teeth. Estinien eyes him warily but, after a pause, slackens his jaw and laves the digits with his tongue. Gaius adds a third finger when the first two aren't bitten clean off, letting his eyes fall shut as he smooths his thumb over Estinien’s jaw.

He pulls his slicked hand free a short time later and immediately tucks it into Estinien's smalls to wrap around his cock. Estinien chokes in surprise and then claws his hands in Gaius hair as he scrambles to retain some semblance of composure.

"By the Fury's great fucking halls, Gai-" He forces out, breathless, before snapping his mouth shut and gritting his teeth.

Gaius nudges Estinien's face to the side with his jaw to worry at the bite mark on his neck, aiming to bruise this time.

“Ah!” Estinien’s voice breaks. “Shite, shiteshiteshite.” Gaius plants an open mouthed kiss over the mark.

Each drag of his hand up Estinien's length presses the knuckle of his thumb right against his own hardened length. Even through the fabric, the catch of his own hand against the sensitive underside, along with the babbling string of curses tumbling from the man trapped underneath him quickly becomes too much and he crests over unexpectedly, spilling into his smalls, face still pressed against Estinien's neck.

He shifts his hips away but he doesn't stop moving his hand. Estinien writhes under the attention, still pinned.

Gaius noses his way up Estinien’s neck to whisper in his ear.

“What are you so afraid of, here with me?”

Estinien’s hands tighten in Gaius' hair where they’re wound, breathing ragged.

“Stop thinking and _feel_ -“ Gaius growls before taking the ear between his teeth.

Estinien stomps his foot on the bed and thrusts into Gaius’ hand with a weak shout, coming undone. Gaius gives a few final strokes before retrieving his hand and wiping it off on an unused side of the blanket.

Hands tangled in hair and face pressed firmly into the pillow facing away, Estinien pants. Gaius carefully detangles himself but before he can move, Estinien tenses and grabs at him, wherever he can reach, mumbling something that sounds a lot like ‘ _stay_ '. Gaius huffs a breath in surprise and pats Estinien’s hand before he stands and pads over to dim the lights.

By the time he returns Estinien has rolled over to face the wall. Silver hair spilling over the pillow. 

Looking at the bed - far too small for two men to share - Gaius stares longingly at the space on the free bed at the other edge of the room before sighing and pressing his side against Estinien as he reclines.

"I wouldn’t wager you the type to want to rut like adolescents, stolen away in some dark corner-" Gaius breathes into the hair next to him.

Estinien responds by rolling over and shoving his entire palm over Gaius' face, growling some string of curses as he moves to lay against him so as to not fall off the bed. Gaius chuckles and pulls the hand away before half-sitting up and shimmying out of his pants and smalls, cleaning himself off as best he can, and praying they still have enough hot water for when he wakes. He prods Estinien until he opens an eye. The Dragoon levels an icy stare at him.

"Take off that mess or you'll regret it when you wake."

Estinien huffs, but follows suit sluggishly, making a face. Grabbing at his discarded shirt, he quickly ruins it by wiping himself and tosses his clothes in a pile before flopping back into the covers on his stomach.

Estinien drapes an arm overtop of Gaius as he does, and they both quiet and still.

* * *

Night passing quickly, Gaius startles at a loud knock at the bulkhead by their door. Estinien stirs only slightly as Gaius pulls away and he takes only a moment to marvel at how comfortable the other man must be for him to sleep that deeply.

Filing the thought away for later, and pulling on his pants and coat, he grabs the only clean smalls and shirt he has left to wear and fumbles his way to the showers.

It’s a small utilitarian room with two stalls, and as he arrives Valdeaulin is finishing up and making to leave. They lock eyes and nod, an awkward tension fills the interaction as is customary before the elf turns to leave. Gaius clears his throat.

“I need to stop for supplies before we move into the capitol and split for reconnaissance.” He says. “Can you check in with Severa and see how far out we are?”

Valdeaulin nods again, waving dismissively as he strides out.

Alone, Gaius strips quickly and turns on the tap to hot. What comes out is lukewarm at best, and the man curses as he gets to washing as fast as he can. The rapidly cooling water serves to wake him and put him slightly on edge.

They were finally approaching Garlemald. Home, to bear witness to the corruption for himself. He peels the now-sodden bandages from his shoulder and arm. He frowns at the revealed scarring. Mottled and raised in places even after all this time.

And him-

What is he going to do about _him?_

Gaius lets the water sputter out to cold and just stands in the spray.

He’s far too old to be indulging in this line of idle thinking…and yet.

And yet. _Him_.

A new concern fills Gaius - separate from the anxiety over the current state of the Empire. 

Tension was thrilling in him even still at the thought of working together for even a while longer.

“Already compromised, it seems.” He sighs deeply to himself as he shuts off the tap and leans against the wall of the showers.

* * *

Estinien’s brow furrows as he slowly rouses out of sleep. He tenses until he realizes the warm body he was pressed against is absent, though the spot where the man slept is still warm.

He opens one eye blearily, rolling to his back, and throws an arm over to cover his face and just breathes.

“Seven Hells.” He breathes out, and he counts. He counts until the urge to flee subside, and until the twinned fight response thrumming unbidden in his blood cools. The urge to tear at something is so overwhelming he moves his arm so he can bite down on the flesh in the crook of his elbow.

And he waits.

Once sufficiently calmed he sits up and hunts for his clothes. Crinkling his nose distastefully at the state he left them in, he pulls on the only clean thing he has left: his pants. Shivering and prickled with gooseflesh he pulls the blanket free and drapes it across his shoulders. It rubs against his neck at the bruise and he hisses, bringing his hand to prod at the tender mark delicately.

Gaius returns to the room quietly while Estinien is busy ruminating on the mark, staring somewhere off into the middle distance. He looks up at the sound of footsteps. Gaius, hair damp and clinging to his face, shuffles to his pack to retrieve a clean set of bandages which he then methodically sets to wrapping his arm with. He sits at the table near the door.

Estinien joins him a moment later, blanket curled around him.

The hand is wordlessly wrapped with a practiced ease that only shows how many times he’s done this same routine. Estinien only catches a glimpse of the scarring there, minimal given how the man can wield a blade.

His arm however…

Past the forearm there is hardly a surface that isn’t burned and scarred over. Gashes complement the textured skin climbing up his arm to his shoulder meeting the marred skin on his chest.

When Estinien looks up at last golden eyes are watching him carefully, judging him. Weighing the scrutiny carefully. Estinien looks away and down, draping the blanket more completely over himself and leaning his chin on a closed fist.

“You must have felt a similar pain, with what you’ve endured.” Gaius says after a while, mostly finished with his bindings.

Estinien hides a wince and draws his arm towards his stomach and looks away.

“It’s not something I’ve ever spoken about.” He says, and doesn’t say more.

Gaius shakes his head and refocuses on finishing without saying anything further. Tucking the loose end of the bandages in on themselves, he tosses on his shirt and leans back.

“We’ll be stopping on the outskirts for our little supply run - do you require anything else?”

“...Are you taking your companions with you?”

“One of them should stay, one that knows the ship in case something goes wrong.”

Estinien nods. “Take the mage then. I can’t stand that one.” He mutters.

* * *

After the ship lands and Gaius departs, Estinien dodges quietly around the ship barefoot and shirtless with a blanket still draped over his shoulders, looking for the amenities. Poking his head into the Commons, he finds the last remains of cold coffee and helps himself to it greedily before moving on.

He next finds the showers and wash which, as it turns out, has an area for him to launder his clothes. He stops and immediately goes to fetch his things.

Scrubbing his clothes until his fingers wrinkle prove distraction enough until his thoughts start to wander too far. To a moment where the searing pain in his nerves ceased just long enough for him to beg his friends for a merciful death. A wicked eye gleaming out from his arm and shoulder each.

He scratches a long-faded mark on his forearm absently as he rinses his clothes and hangs them to dry, sectioned off from the rest of the showers.

Satisfied, he tests the showers out of curiosity and finds them absolutely frigid.

He frowns and wraps the blanket around himself more tightly.

* * *

Gaius returns none too quickly sometime late afternoon.

Valdeaulin drops a heavy bag near the entrance and Gaius lugs his own through to the bunk room.

He finds Estinien dozing fitfully on the bed they shared the previous night, breathing deeply and hand coiling tightly in the blankets. When he doesn’t rouse at his presence or the unceremonious dropping of the pack, he moves over to him.

Before he can think any better of it, he leans over and places his bandaged hand gently on Estinien’s chest, right at his sternum. That hand tenses when Estinien goes rigid, his eyes snap open and he all but lunges forward, one hand wrapped around the arm pinning him and one grabbing at Gaius’ throat, squeezing.

This was _new._ Despite himself something thrills low in Gaius’ belly as Estinien's long fingers dig into the side of his neck. He tilts his head to the side in deference as he leans back and out of the elf’s space.

Grey eyes finally focus long enough to take in the man in front of him, widening dramatically, and Estinien lets out a shaking breath while immediately releasing his grip.

“Forgive me.” He croaks. “I was…”

Gaius offers his hand by gently moving it from where it had lain to rest up to the side of Estinien’s neck. When he doesn’t flinch away, Gaius draws him in, pressing a quiet kiss to the other man’s lips.

“Don’t-“ Estinien breathes, turning his head to the side but hiding a small smile. "Let me be."

“Tell me to stop, and I will.”

Estinien’s smile falls ruefully. “As tempting as this is I fear I’ll go mad if we have to stay in this ship for a bell longer than necessary.”

“Then let us be off.” Gaius says quietly, stroking the edge of Estinien’s jaw as he pulls away. “Here are the things you requested, as well.” He pulls the bag he dropped closer and retrieves a package bundled with string. “It should be everything you need, along with some glamouring supplies should you wish to keep your armor close.”

Estinien takes the package when it’s handed to him, swallowing around a lump in his throat.

“…Thank you.” Estinien says.

Gaius nods and lingers only briefly in the doorway before he shuts the door behind him.

Estinien tears into the package when he’s alone.

A vest, layers of belting, shirts, a scarf, clean pants. All matching in complementary blue and yellow. Also included are soft boots and decorative brackets meant to fit over top, along with several replacement smallclothes and thin loose tunics. Tucked at the bottom is his coin purse, lighter but not overmuch.

Estinien flushes as he starts dressing, becoming so furious with himself over it that he has to stop for several minutes.

He only resumes when he hears the telltale rumble of the ship starting up... Making sure to place the scarf carefully over the mark on the side of his neck.

* * *

“He moped around without you here, you know.” Severa chirped from the seat to Gaius’ right. 

“Did he, now…” He says absently, minding the steering and watching the skies as they pass unnoticed into the Imperial Capitol.

“Despondent, I’d call it.” 

“Mmm.” Gaius hums as he considers landing options, ignoring Severa's prodding look, much to her annoyance.

* * *

Gaius had paid off the attendant with help from his network. There’s docking space waiting for them when they disembark.

He may be acting as a stranger but at least gil can speak for him.

The four of them split wordlessly to meet as planned in an Imperial tavern and inn later that evening, giving Estinien some time to get the lay of the land, as well as his bearings.

Nothing like Ishgard - these buildings are cold, utilitarian. No character, but easy enough to to scale. Hardly anything for him to note at this juncture when he does finally climb to the top of one of them, but he does get to view the sprawling city laid out as the sun dips below the horizon. Finally able to breathe for the first time in so many suns, he stills himself, and watches. 

The moment is short lived however, and Estinien ducks away from a passing low-flying drone and heads towards their meeting spot by rooftop.

* * *

The inn’s tavern is as sparse and utilitarian as the city - it’s not surprising but it is disappointing, in a way, Estinien thinks to himself.

Valdeaulin is drinking in the corner with Severa when he arrives. No Gaius. Estinien sits with them, uncomfortably. The two others converse quietly while Estinien sits with his unease.

A half bell passes before Estinien loses his patience and stands. Severa pins him with a knowing smirk over her drink that the Dragoon pointedly ignores as he turns abruptly to leave. As he does so he almost runs directly into Gaius himself. Estinien scowls.

“You’re late.” He says, stony, and he sidesteps past him and to walk out of the building and out into the streets. 

“I told you he’s been in a mood.” Severa says to Gaius once Estinien is safely out of earshot.

Gaius shrugs. “I was being followed, I figured it prudent to lose them.” He says as Severa nods.

“We’ve got the last two rooms for tonight, we’ll get an early start tomorrow.” She says as she tosses a key to the other Garlean, yawning.

She gives a slight wave. “Don’t be too noisy when you head up, I’m going to sleep.” She says absently to Valdeaulin, who nods curtly in return.

Valdeaulin stares Gaius down over his half finished drink as he takes a sip and places the glass back on the table. 

“That Dragoon changes nothing about our agreement.” He says after a few minutes of chilly silence.

“I didn’t expect it would. I’m still wholly dedicated to what we set out to do.” Gaius replies, deadly serious.

“Good. See that you remain so.” Valdeaulin stands and drops some coin for the tavernkeep and moves off upstairs to retire for the evening.

Gaius sighs and stands as well, heading out into the evening.

* * *

Estinien stands opposite the entrance, eyes shut and leaning back against the building. In the lit streets he looks still as a statue, but one eye cracks open at Gaius’ approach.

“We have a room.” Gaius says quietly. “Would you ah, care to join me?”

Estinien pushes off from the wall of the building and holds out his hand for the room key. Gaius obliges. 

“Have a drink at the bar and then come up to the room.” Estinien says as he taps the number on the key ring, holding it up.

“If you’re worried about propriety here, I can assure you no one-“

“It’s not that.” Estinien says with a shake of his head. “I just…give me a little time.”

Gaius nods wordlessly and watches Estinien slip into the tavern and away. 

* * *

Estinien shuts the room door behind him and exhales, fidgeting with a magitek lamp nearby.

Taking the time to look around at the room finally, he notes there is only one large bed and barks out a short laugh. He throws the key onto the bed before checking around to the wash and looking at the shower. When it runs hot, he locks the room and shucks out of his clothes and armor, stowing his lance near the shower.

Just because, he tells himself.

* * *

After eating something quickly and nursing a drink for what feels like an appropriate amount of time, Gaius orders some food to go and leaves enough coin for all of it (and the filled seat on a busy night) and takes his leave.

Approaching their room, he can faintly hear a tap shut off and a faint rustling, so he knocks and waits in the hall.

After a breath, the door is opened just enough to allow him inside.

Estinien moves away from the door, and faces away when Gaius enters, the pale expanse of his back tensing only slightly as his arms rise to dry his hair with an extra towel, another hanging low and tied at his waist.

Gaius allows himself a few moments to stare as he closes and bolts the door behind him before moving closer, depositing the wrapped food on the side table. 

Gaius pulls the offending towel from off Estinien’s head, and his damp hair falls to lay on his chest and shoulders as he turns.

“Tell me that this is foolish, Estinien...” Gaius murmurs as he moves the elf’s hair aside.

Estinien’s expression darkens as claws his way up the collar of the red coat.

“Of course this is foolish-“ He replies, mouth moving dangerously close. 

“But you still choose to...stay?” Gaius says.

“...yes.” Estinien whispers as he holds Gaius’ jaw between his thumb and forefinger.

The ‘ _for now’_ is left unspoken.

There is nothing patient or slow left for them after this. Every surge forward is met with an equal return from the other, grasping hands and scraping teeth.

In between breaths, Gaius discards his coat, gauntlet, and armor as he nudges the other man ever closer to the bed. Upon being pressed to sit, Estinien fists a hand in the Garlean’s shirt to ensure he follows.

And follow him he does.

Gaius sinks to kneel on the floor and Estinien _watches_. The hand caught in the other man’s shirt moves to cradle the back of his head. Gaius brings a hand up along to the edge of the towel where it’s wrapped.

Gaius brings his eyes up to meet Estinien’s watchful gaze and he waits.

Estinien, flushed from chest to ear tip, lets out a ragged breath.

“Don’t torment me, I _can’t-_ “ His eyes press closed.

“Tell me...” Gaius breathes as he slides a hand under the towel to thumb delicately at Estinien’s thigh.

The Dragoon swallows roughly around a flurry of potential curses and settles on something softer, despite his instincts railing against him.

“...I want this, whatever you’ll give...for however long we have.” Estinien says, eyes half closed and looking away. The admission is far too open, too vulnerable, and he’s nowhere left to run.

Reminiscent of their first kiss, Gaius pulls him down with a hand so their lips can meet, slow. The move to a gentle scrape of teeth along his jaw and neck sends a thrill right to Estinien’s groin and his eyes flutter closed again. Gaius thumbs along the almost fully-healed scar on Estinien’s leg.

“Keep your eyes on me.” Gaius says as he moves his hand to take the Dragoon roughly in it.

Breath catching, Estinien complies, leaning back only slightly.

Stroking the length of him, Gaius pulls the towel aside and he’s bared completely. Estinien shivers, though he is unsure if it is because of the chill of the room, or because of the absolutely predatory gaze raking over him. 

Guiding his hips right to the edge of the mattress, Gaius takes Estinien’s cock into his mouth slowly, carefully, all the way until it hits the back of his throat.

Estinien forgets to breathe, doesn’t dare move, teeth gritted against the urge to _fuck_ and claim. But he’s powerless, eyes transfixed on the languid slide of that _terrible_ mouth on him. He chokes back a moan on the third bob and Gaius rumbles appreciatively around his length, pressing forward so his nose almost brushes the soft hairs at his root.

“Oh _hells-_ ” Estinien breathes as he drags his hands through dark hair just to have something to hold onto while pleasure coils up through him.

Not missing a beat with his ministrations, Gaius winds his bandaged arm under and around Estinien’s thigh to pin his hip still as he starts to shake. The gentle but the insistent press of hands at the back of Gaius’ head urge him on but he keeps his pace deliberately slow. 

“ _Please..._ ” Estinien moans. “I need- _Ah!_ ” and he shouts as Gaius takes him deeper still, swallowing around his cock and pressing hard against his hip. Gaius pulls back, does it again and Estinien gasps.

“ _M'close-_ ” He says as his fingers grip tighter into Gaius’ hair.

Gaius hollows his cheeks before carefully sucking down his length again and releasing his grip on Estinien’s hip. Estinien takes the permission given and fucks into Gaius’ mouth with quick, careful thrusts and he’s over the edge fast, finishing down Gaius’ throat with a final thrust and matching shout, simply holding him there for a moment as Gaius swallows down the spend.

He pulls off carefully and watches as Estinien all but collapses back onto the bed, breathing heavily.

Gaius takes several moments to rise to his feet, joints aching, and wipes his face with the edge of the towel as he stands. Leaning over Estinien he’s pleased to find the Dragoon watching him through heavily lidded eyes. He kneels on the bed to prop himself up over the prone elf, dipping down to kiss the other man before pulling away.

Fighting the urge to cover himself, Estinien rolls onto his side to try and tug Gaius back down to sit by the belt at his waist. 

“Eat something first-“ Gaius says as he moves out of Estinien’s grasp.

Estinien tilts his head, propped up on a hand, and lets a confused smile play on his face.

Gaius waves the packaged food at the elf and _by The Twelve did it smell good_ , even cold as it must be. Estinien takes it and hastily pulls the towel back over himself as he sits up.

“Ah... thank you...I didn’t realize I was hungry.” He says. Opening the packaging he finds some breads and two small-portioned meat pies, one of which he digs into immediately. It had gone cold but it was just the right amount of salt and savory that was needed.

Gaius lets him eat in peace while he removes his shirt and heavy boots, heading into the wash to wet his face. He contemplates his own reflection over the basin for far longer than necessary before sighing, remembering he was still _quite_ uncomfortable and adjusts himself roughly, fingers curling around the edge of the basin as he lets his head fall forward on an exhale. He loosens the ties at the front of his pants before returning to the shared space.

Estinien had indeed eaten and was rummaging around in his pack for something, pausing only briefly to acknowledge Gaius’ return. He stops when he pulls out a bottle swirling with amber liquid and quickly breaks the seal taking a couple of small swigs, wincing at the burn.

He offers it to Gaius wordlessly, who takes a long pull from the bottle himself before passing it back. Whiskey, and not bad at that. Gaius hums his approval before returning to the bed and reclining. The room could have done with a couple of chairs and a view, but this wasn’t exactly a stay concerned with comfort.

Estinien drinks once more before closing the bottle tightly and putting it away, flopping back on the bed himself, turning to Gaius.

“You’re still wearing your trousers.” He mumbles, thumbing at the loose lacing at the front of Gaius’ pants, then spreading his hand out along his front.

Gaius’ cock twitches under the attention and the man stutters out a breath.

“So considerate…” Estinien murmurs, pulling himself closer. “That you would disregard your own needs even now.”

“It’s not out of consideration-“ Gaius practically growls out, “There’s very much something I _want_. Get on your knees. Eyes forward, towards the wall.” 

The heat that flashes across Estinien’s face is unmistakable as he turns to settle on his hands and knees, facing away.

Gaius wordlessly slides from the bed and strips off his pants and smalls, pacing around the bed to retrieve a tiny bottle with a stopper from his own pack.

“W-wh-” Estinien rasps, then tries again. “What are you doing?” He says hesitantly, feeling particularly exposed.

Tossing the bottle on the bed behind the elf, Gaius strokes up the sensitive skin along Estinien’s inner thigh before sliding his hand along his lower back as he kneels on the bed behind him.

Estinien’s hands are flexing into the sheets, arms tense and close to shaking. Gaius slides his free hand along Estinien’s spine and he _trembles,_ almost jumping forward.

“ _Seven hells_ Gaius I can’t bear this-“ 

Gaius presses more firmly down as his hands creep further up the Dragoon’s back until the flat of his palm is between Estinien’s shoulder blades. He pushes down firmly again.

Estinien resists, and holds fast, refusing to give in. Gaius halts his own press and leans forward, slotting his hip against the curve of Estinien’s ass, pressing his own length against sensitive thigh, and bending just enough to speak against the back of Estinien’s neck.

“Tell me...” Gaius says as he strokes his hand down Estinien’s side.

Gooseflesh prickles up the elf’s back and he shudders.

“Gaius…”

“That’s not an answer.”

“...T-take me.. I want you to-” Estinien grits out.

Gaius takes a moment to liberally coat his finger freely with the oil while pressed up against Estinien. Adjusting his position only slightly, he carefully slides a coated digit across and around the tight ring of muscle before he slowly eases one inside. With a steadying hand on Estinien’s back he begins to move it before pressing in with another finger.

Estinien lets out a stuttered moan as Gaius glances against that spot deep inside. His arms buckle and he flattens to fall onto his chest with little grace as Gaius spreads him open, hips still raised and knees still firmly planted. A position that makes the Dragoon’s toes curl as Gaius continues.

“F-fuck-“

“Are you alright-?”

“Yes, gods, please… just. Hurry-” Estinien growls into the mattress just as Gaius twists his fingers and bushes against the bundle of nerves again. Estinien gasps and arches his shoulders back.

“I’ll admit I’ve had thoughts about taking you like this...” Gaius says as he eases his fingers out of Estinien to then liberally coat his cock with the oil, lining himself up. He grasps Estinien’s hip firmly on one side as he slowly pushes the tip into that tight heat, marveling at the stretch as he inches in. He moves his bandaged hand to smooth up Estinien’s back again.

Gaius’ hand tenses at Estinien’s hip, and he bends over to slide in further and Estinien _moans_. 

“ _Please, Gaius-_ “ Estinien begs, in a way he promised himself he never would.

Gaius hilts himself the rest of the way with a roll of his hips and a cry tears itself from the elf’s throat. He buries his face in the mattress as he begins to rock his own hips back against Gaius.

Leaning forward to kiss the sweat pooling between Estinien’s shoulder blades, Gaius begins to fuck into him, _slowly._ Far slower than either of them needs. He wraps his bandaged arm around Estinien’s chest on a particularly rough thrust as the other hand grips firmly to his hip, preventing him from gaining any leverage.

Gaius draws out almost completely, then slams back in, rolling his hips. 

Estinien grasps the hand wrapped around his chest tightly, as Gaius picks up the pace. Feeling the elf tense around him, Gaius drags him flush against him and upright, hooking his chin over a shoulder. He thrusts up once, forcefully, and on the second thrust Estinien comes undone without a hand on him, spilling onto the sheets with a shaky exhale.

Estinien lets his head fall back against Gaius as he pants, still gripping the arm wrapped around him as he sags, only to let out a soft ‘Ah’ as he tenses around Gaius’ firm cock still buried in him.

“Can you trust me?” Gaius whispers, straining to remain completely still.

The muscles in Estinien’s jaw clench and he grits his teeth. He’s silent for a moment that stretches out.

“...yes. Godsdammit yes.” He breathes finally as he turns to nose along Gaius’ hairline, free hand gripping hard on Gaius’ leg. Taking a moment to unwind the hand twined with Gaius’ at his chest, Estinien raises it to grasp at the back of the other man’s neck.

“Good.” Gaius murmurs. “Now stay with me.” He says as he adjusts his hips slightly. 

Estinien sputters and chokes on air, his softening member giving a twitch of interest as Gaius jostles him just enough to hit that already-sensitive spot inside once more.

Tears prick the corner of his eyes and he lets out a sob when Gaius does it again, letting his hips move with him for just a moment before it becomes too much and Estinien arches away, shuddering.

Gaius bites down on the tense muscle connecting his neck to his shoulder and the Dragoon stills. A kiss follows the bite, soothing, and Gaius continues to trail his mouth along pale skin. 

The bandaged hand, free to roam, finds its way up to ghost across Estinien’s collar before trailing slowly down across the expanse of skin along his chest. A rough pinch at the sensitive peak of a nipple sets the Dragoon writhing.

Gaius’ other hand sets to stroking along the tender inner thigh, coaxing his flagging cock back to attention, trailing along scars and bruises.

Gaius gives another experimental rock of his hips, and Estinien moves with him carefully, still gripping him tightly with his own hands. They rock together slowly as Estinien adjusts.

“Please…” Estinien’s voice wavers, watery. “Please touch me.”

Wrapping his hand fully around Estinien’s half-hard cock, Gaius strokes gently in time with his own shallow thrusts and it isn’t long before the over-stimulated nerves give over to pleasure once more. 

Gaius draws out further and thrusts in harder, holding carefully onto the elf’s hips and kissing anywhere he can reach before sucking another mark into his shoulder. Estinien keens, digging his fingers into Gaius’ hair and pulling, before letting go.

“I want...to see you.” He stutters out, turning his head and trying to meet Gaius’ eyes.

Gaius gently lowers the Dragoon, releasing him carefully, and he slides right down onto the mattress. He pulls out briefly so they can maneuver, and as soon as Estinien is on his back - grey eyes locked with his gold ones - he pulls the elf’s hips close, knees up, to impale him back on his cock in one smooth thrust. 

He moans, eyes rolling back, and Gaius leans in to swallow the sound in a greedy kiss. Estinien’s hands instinctively curl around broad shoulders, keeping him pressed against him.. They move together, Gaius’ hand cupping Estinien’s ass to change the angle and he’s seeing stars, clenching around the Garlean. Both men gasp, their breath mingling in between them as Estinien tries to keep his eyes focused.

Gaius’ thrusts quicken but grow more erratic - he grabs Estinien’s length and strokes it between them.

“I’m near-“ Gaius growls, and Estinien draws his hips forward with a heel, trapping him in place, tensing around him.

Gaius huffs out a breath in surprise and he’s spilling into Estinien on the next thrust. He keeps moving his hand, their hips locked together and Estinien follows, milked dry, sobbing against the side of Gaius’ neck.

Gaius slides out of him with a wince and Estinien shudders, withdrawing his hands completely and trying to turn on shaking limbs. Gaius grabs a wrist.

“...Stay. Don’t move.” He says, kissing the moisture at the corner of Estinien’s eyes. The elf swallows thickly, then nods.

Gaius grabs clean towels from the wash, one large and two small. He soaks the small ones in hot water and cleans himself with one, tossing it in the shower. Returning to Estinien, the man lets himself be handled so they’re both reclined, Estinien curling in on himself against Gaius’ chest.

Gaius wraps the dry towel around the elf’s shoulders and hands him the other cloth. He wipes himself down carefully, burying his face against Gaius’ chest as he does his best to clean the mess from his aching hole. He laughs weakly before discarding the cloth with the old towel from before.

“...Are you alright, Estinien?” Gaius asks, hands stroking gently along his flank.

“I don’t…” He starts, pushing up from his recline to stare into golden eyes, searching for something. “I’m not sure.” 

Gaius opens his mouth to speak but Estinien stops him with a hand over his mouth.

“...Please don’t start fucking talking. Just…” Estinien says coyly, but with a rather fragile smile on his face, as he leans in for a kiss. It’s soft, _too soft,_ and he pulls away with a grunt to kick his way under the blankets. The Garlean stretches and edges his way under as well.

Estinien gives him another inscrutable look before tucking himself against Gaius’ side with a sigh, head resting at his shoulder, curling an arm around his chest under the blankets...clinging a bit tighter than he means to. Stroking the edge of the burn scarring where it meets unmarred skin.

Gaius drags his hand through Estinien’s hair gently, nails just grazing his scalp, and Estinien’s grip slackens as his eyes drift closed. Gaius shuts his eyes as well, just for a moment, and he too slips easily into sleep.

* * *

Gaius sleeps as if he blinks and it’s suddenly morning, early light streams in through the thin blinds, harsh even as he closes his eyes once more.

But he stirs as he feels a hand stroke along his jaw. 

“Mm, do we have time still?” Gaius asks, voice rough with sleep.

“Aye.” Estinien says softly, still smoothing his hand along Gaius’ face.

“Then rest-” Gaius rumbles, rolling to face the other man more fully even as his eyes drift shut again.

Estinien’s brow furrows and he withdraws his hand, letting his head fall back on the pillow as he watches the man in front of him doze. 

Gaius cracks an eye open when he feels the intensity of the gaze.

“It is madness,” Estinien mutters, mostly to himself. “I’ve never felt the way I did last night.”

“Good, I hope.” Gaius says.

“Mmm,” Estinien hums. “Too much, not enough...a knife’s edge.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. It must be the way you've _fucking cursed me_.” Gaius chuckles.

They spend a few moments in companionable silence, which Estinien doesn't hate. The urge to flee is still present, but it's dulled somewhat. For once there's nothing thrumming to life in his blood to panic him in the morning. No fight instinct to work against. He considers this, letting his eyes drift along Gaius' neck and shoulder.

“...Thank you for placing trust in me.” Gaius says after a time, watching Estinien with quiet consideration. The elf's eyes widen momentarily, forgetting himself.

The next words catch in Estinien’s throat and he turns to stare at the ceiling.

“...I suppose I did do that, didn’t I?” 

Gaius groans as he sits up, turning to plant a kiss at the corner of the other man’s mouth.

“...Whatever you’ll give, for however long we have.” He echoes, rising to collect his clothes and pads off to the shower.  
  


  
Estinien watches his back as he goes, propped up on an elbow, the corner of his mouth tugging up.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got.... away from me!  
> There are some.....characterization adjustments? so i hope it still worked out and doesn't come too out of left field fhjskhfjk.  
> I hope it was worth the wait as well, to all of you who read and liked the piece at first before i decided to do more, ilu and thank you <3  
> If you're into the reading or writing of ffxiv content come and join usssss in the discorrrrrd:
> 
> [Emet-Selch's Wholesomely Debauched and Enabling Book Club](https://discord.gg/4gUTQta)
> 
> or, for specifically these boyyyyyyys 
> 
> [Gaiustinien Thirst Discord](https://discord.gg/u6CNyjG)

**Author's Note:**

> Well.  
> Here I am. Never thought I'd be writing for a fandom again but I've been possessed.
> 
> It's been a very, very long time since I've written anything longer than a few paragraphs so if there are errors I apologize, I'm sure I'll be pouring over it a few more times lmao  
> If you're of the writing persuasion or generally just want to yell about final fantasy, come and join usssss in the discorrrrrd:
> 
> [Emet-Selch's Wholesomely Debauched and Enabling Book Club](https://discord.gg/enabling-debauched-xivfic)
> 
> or, for specifically these boyyyyyyys 
> 
> [Gaiustinien Thirst Discord](https://discord.gg/u6CNyjG)
> 
> Who enabled me to finish this beast <3


End file.
